I have given some thought about pregnancy and childbirth in the internet age and I have decided that my child will be the first, and likely only, child born in the year 2014 that will not have a Facebook account, Twitter account or have thousands of portraits online before she or he is even old enough to know what a portrait is. I shall indeed photograph the crap out of this child but those images are for people who can see them without a computer.
When my sisters and I were children our parents took pictures of us. But instead of plastering them all over the internet, which would have been quite the feat at the time, those pictures were stored in bulky books we used to call photo albums. When visitors came over they could look at the photo albums or choose not to. Those pictures were never thrust upon anybody. Our parents were somehow able to live full and satisfying lives without illustrating their every thought with pictures of their little angels. Amazingly, against all odds, we survived.
Maybe in 20 years I will do whatever the equivalent of a blog will be then and flood it with 20 years’ worth of zlap files and holograms. But for now this child is going to have some semblance of a private life.
At least until the teen years. Then I will close my eyes and hope for the best.
20 June 2014
10 June 2014
The Pregnancy Pledge
I, state my name, pledge not to turn this into a pregnancy blog. The only people who find those even the least interesting are other pregnant women. Pregnancy is like climbing Mount Everest. People want to hear that you are doing it and they want to hear the end result. But only those who have also done it want to hear about all the details in between.
I pledge to only mention my frequency of urination whilst pregnant as much as I did before pregnant.
I pledge not to ever use the phrase “mucus plug”. Other than just now.
I pledge to never tell Cyberia how dilated my cervix is or discuss the goings on of my uterus.
I live in a culture where pregnant women are automatically the centre of attention. I have a mother who has been on me to have children for almost half of my life, and sisters who are desperate for another niece or nephew. I do not need Cyberia for attention.
But I am going to point out just how completely surreal it is to be pregnant. For most of your life, aside from those teenage years, your body is your body. Suddenly it takes on a life of its own. I suppose technically it is the life growing inside that takes over. People who jump from 135kg to 60kg or people who become paraplegic probably know what it all feels like but most of us have relatively consistent bodies. Those of us who stay in shape are accustomed to feeling a certain way and knowing that we can count on our bodies to do whatever it is supposed to do. Pregnancy changes all of that.
Swimming is still in. Swimming is a great way to exercise at every stage of pregnancy. Being the size of a whale is irrelevant under water. In fact, actual whales do much better in water than out.
Rock climbing is out. Minor falls that I would never give a second thought are suddenly cause for concern. My doctor also suggested I not do any skydiving in the immediate future but I have not willingly jumped out of a plane in some time.
Surfing is still ok but my centre of gravity will gradually shift. That will likely make it all far more difficult than it needs to be. Surfers spend a lifetime working on balance. There is probably a reason you never see a nine month pregnant woman on a surfboard.
Running is still in but I am going to have to gradually slow down in the coming months. I suppose now is not the best time to sign up for a marathon.
Now I am supposed to watch my heart rate. Nobody should ever let it get too high but it was never something I paid much attention to before. When I push myself too hard there are usually a million other things that go before my heart.
I probably had more to say but I have to get to the bathroom now.
I pledge to only mention my frequency of urination whilst pregnant as much as I did before pregnant.
I pledge not to ever use the phrase “mucus plug”. Other than just now.
I pledge to never tell Cyberia how dilated my cervix is or discuss the goings on of my uterus.
I live in a culture where pregnant women are automatically the centre of attention. I have a mother who has been on me to have children for almost half of my life, and sisters who are desperate for another niece or nephew. I do not need Cyberia for attention.
But I am going to point out just how completely surreal it is to be pregnant. For most of your life, aside from those teenage years, your body is your body. Suddenly it takes on a life of its own. I suppose technically it is the life growing inside that takes over. People who jump from 135kg to 60kg or people who become paraplegic probably know what it all feels like but most of us have relatively consistent bodies. Those of us who stay in shape are accustomed to feeling a certain way and knowing that we can count on our bodies to do whatever it is supposed to do. Pregnancy changes all of that.
Swimming is still in. Swimming is a great way to exercise at every stage of pregnancy. Being the size of a whale is irrelevant under water. In fact, actual whales do much better in water than out.
Rock climbing is out. Minor falls that I would never give a second thought are suddenly cause for concern. My doctor also suggested I not do any skydiving in the immediate future but I have not willingly jumped out of a plane in some time.
Surfing is still ok but my centre of gravity will gradually shift. That will likely make it all far more difficult than it needs to be. Surfers spend a lifetime working on balance. There is probably a reason you never see a nine month pregnant woman on a surfboard.
Running is still in but I am going to have to gradually slow down in the coming months. I suppose now is not the best time to sign up for a marathon.
Now I am supposed to watch my heart rate. Nobody should ever let it get too high but it was never something I paid much attention to before. When I push myself too hard there are usually a million other things that go before my heart.
I probably had more to say but I have to get to the bathroom now.
01 June 2014
Venom of Asps
If you love to read somebody bloviate on politics and religion, and who does not, then you are in luck. The soon to be phenomenal international best seller, Venom of Asps, is on sale now.
Amazon
Barnes and Noble
itunes
Nook
Cast of Characters:
Jimmy Carter
Christianity
Mohandas Gandhi
Gaza
Islam
Israel
Thomas Jefferson
Jesus
Jordan
Judaism
Judea and Samaria
Tzipi Livni
Nelson Mandela
Paul McCartney
Moses
Benjamin Netanyahu
Barack Obama
Sarah Palin
The previous pope (that German one)
Marion Robertson
Gilad Shalit
Ariel Sharon
Margaret Thatcher
Moshe Ya’alon
Helen Zille
and Jacob Zuma as the bad guy
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