The Important Things

A great deal of wonderful, interesting, frightening, confusing things are happening in the world today.

The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences is once again deciding which of the most popular big budget mainstream Hollywood movies should be deemed the best out of the hundreds of movies released last year. None of the tiny handful of movies are what I would consider the best, but they never seem to ask me.

We are going to have more elections next month. Yet again there are attacks and accusations. Yet again the newspapers are complaining that he said this and she said that. I read an article the other day that, hand to God, could have been about pretty much any election with minor changes in candidate names and dates. The one saving grace is that I do not live in the United States. Those election campaigns are simply juvenile.

Paul McCartney wrote and recorded a few songs with Kanye “bigger than Yeezus” West. This seems like an unusual collaboration on the surface but Mr McCartney is nothing if not a whore for money. Disagree with my assertion? Then explain why “Ou Est le Soleil” was released in no less than 14 000 different versions.

Jordan recently bombed an Isis base after a single Jordanian soldier was murdered. Ironically, there were no United Nations resolutions against Jordan. The International Community did not call Jordan's actions a disproportionate response. There are to the best of my knowledge no serious movements to boycott Jordan. I have yet to hear Jordan accused of committing the greatest crime against humanity for attacking the smaller, less organised terrorist organisation. The western media have not published a string of thinly veiled hate against Jordan's largest religion. On the contrary, many people seem to be praising Jordan for standing up against terrorists. Abdullah must be happy that his country is not full of Jews.

Last week I remembered that I have a blog and thought about whether or not I should add to it. The jury is still out on that one.

But there is something of greater importance to mankind than any of these world events weighing on my mind at present. I am thinking about going back to work. Not so much today but in the near future.

I went on maternity leave in July and my daughter came into the world kicking and screaming in November. There is no job in the world of greater importance or with greater reward than being a mother. But sometimes you want a little peace and quiet away from all the kicking and screaming. Flying combat support for the most successful air force in the world* is far less hectic than raising a child.

Are there risks involved? Of course. There are risks in driving on Ibn Gabirol just before Shabbat. I am far more likely to be killed by a fuming taxi driver who wants to get home than by a feudal Arab who wants my home.

Who will watch the baby if I go to work? A woman's place is in the home, etc. The first part is easy. I have a mother who lives entirely too close and who loves nothing more than to babysit any of her grandchildren. I also have sisters. Most of whom have children of their own. All of whom are fully capable of keeping an eye or two on my spawn. My sister Dara's son is as dysfunctionally young as my daughter. Watching them together is like juggling ten bowling balls instead of eight. If they both get hungry at the same time? That is why women have two breasts and not one giant Russ Meyer mondo tit. [Edit this out of the American version since Americans tend to go apoplectic when it comes to feeding little humans from big human body parts].

The second part is equally easy. A woman's place is wherever she wants to be.

* According to Google. Google knows all.

Last Full Measure of Devotion

Raise your hand if you have never been shot. In an ideal world most people would put their hands up. I always assumed that I would always be in this category. Even when I joined the IDF and my family were terrified that something untoward would happen to me I assumed that nothing would. I was never in a combat position, and other than the rare occasion that I was actually sent into a combat area, I was always relatively removed from the action.

I was sent to the Golan during the Second Lebanon War. I went to Bint Jbeil. That was bad but I was never in any real danger. I have been sent to Gaza several times. I witnessed much of the destruction from Operation Summer Rains and Operation Hot Winter after the fact. I was more directly involved in Operation Cast Lead but there was still very little chance that I would never come home alive.

They call it the Israel Defence Forces for a reason. Defence is a key strategy. Putting Israelis in harm’s way is never the objective. An Israeli soldier in combat is far safer than an American soldier in combat. Casualty figures are always very low compared to other combatants. And I have always been several job titles away from combat.

We all knew that tensions would be high when the brutal dictators who rule Gaza declared that they would “open the gates of hell” and wipe Israel off the map. Again. It is politically incorrect to point this out but if your religious leaders repeatedly say that they control the gates of hell, what does that say about your religion?

Predictably, Israel’s high command announced that Hamas would finally be dealt with once and for all. Again. We have heard that song for the last eight years. It may be time to put on a new record.

When hotter heads prevailed and it became painfully obvious that I would likely spend some more time in Gaza I remained confident in my survival. I have always felt safe even when people are trying to genocide the entire Levant. Some people think the entire region is one big exploding sandbox. With the “Arab Spring” that is more true now than it used to be but Israel is not in a state of chaos or civil war. The odds of being killed or shot in Israel are very low. Most of us go our entire lives without ever exploding.

Then I got shot. To be fair, this was not in Israel. So my above statement still stands.

My team was minding our own business and doing our job, admittedly not in a neighbourhood where we are the most popular of visitors. When the shooting started I thought somebody was setting off firecrackers. The AK-47 has almost a high pitched airy sound. It can easily sound like those tiny firecrackers Chinese children throw in the streets during festivals. Especially when fired from a distance. When I lived in China I was very close to a temple and I quickly grew accustomed to the sound of fireworks at all hours. The M16 has a deeper sound and if you are going to mistake it for firecrackers it would have to be those larger smoke things they use during all the various gods’ birthdays. The TAR-21 has a more guttural sound and would never be mistaken for a firecracker.

The baby is perfectly safe and sound. I suppose I should have led with that. At this point in time she or he only takes up a small percentage of real estate. That will change, of course, but they say if you are going to get shot during pregnancy then you might as well do it early on. I am not entirely sure who they are but they say a lot of crazy things.

I am also perfectly safe and sound. Had I been killed I would not likely be typing this. Though one never knows. I live in a place where people rise from the dead all the time.

I was hit by a single round in the leg. Had it been an action movie I could have got up immediately and saved the world for democracy with nothing more than a trickle of blood and hardly a moment’s notice. But movies are bullshit. Bullets are small metallic projectiles that travel at around 2000 feet per second, depending on several factors. When they tear into your flesh it hurts. A lot. A flesh wound may not affect the average action star or Black Knight at all but they cause a good deal of pain to the average human. Bleeding is also a greater concern in the real world than it ever is in movies. Action heroes bleed buckets and run around as if they had a bee sting. Fortunately I was surrounded by medical personnel who never mistook me for Arnold Schwarzenegger and I received medical treatment far sooner than anybody could ever expect.

The funny thing is that I was literally the last person to know that I was hit. When the firecrackers started going off I fell on my tuchas. I thought I simply slipped and fell. There was no initial pain other than landing on my cushioned butt, which just so happens to be more and more cushioned every week. Then my leg started burning like a radioactive super mosquito dug in after fasting for a month. I thought I had landed on some broken glass or something sharp that was poking me. The flight surgeon quickly picked me up and put me in the aircraft before I even knew what was going on. He knew exactly what had happened. One of the paramedics later told me that he saw a small explosion of blood shoot out of my leg. He said it was like watching a tiny volcano erupt. I think I would like to see that. Unfortunately I did not have the best vantage point.

I wanted to take my seat when I was told that I should probably take a break. My point of view was that falling on a piece of glass would most definitely not preclude me from operating the aircraft. It was only after I insisted that I be allowed to do my job and those around me insisted that I stay still and accept medical treatment that I realised what had happened. It was only after I consciously understood that a round had penetrated my flesh that the pain fully made its presence known. I have no idea if that is a psychological matter or the result of increased adrenaline gradually subsiding.

The people I was with at the time are all perfectly safe and sound. We completed the task at hand without further incident. My support pilot was fully capable of taking us all to an appropriate evacuation site. The patient that we were there to transport and I were treated and are both expected to fully recover. Though I shall not be climbing any mountains any time soon.

One of the best things about the AK-47 is that it is not the most lethal weapon in the world. It is very popular because it is cheap and easy to use but developed countries tend not to use it because you can cause far more damage with more advanced weapons. The AK-47 round tends not to fragment on impact, which is good news for anybody who gets hit. The worst thing a bullet can do is break apart inside your body and create multiple cavities. The M16 bullet is specifically designed to fragment. Its track is compared to a hammer while the AK-47 track is often described as a pencil. Would you rather be stabbed with a hammer or a pencil?

The irony is that I was hit in my left leg. This is the same leg that took the full force of what the American NTSB called an “uncontrolled descent and impact with terrain” in 2002. It is ironic to me at least. Some would say it is a message from God. Others would say it is God’s punishment for not doing things their way. I say those people have issues. If God has anything to do with this then he clearly has a problem with my leg.

My intention was always to continue working until I could no longer sit for hours at a time comfortably. I live in a country that does not hate children. In fact, we are rather fond of them. We also do not punish women for being pregnant, either at work or in the stoning yard. Our maternity leave schemes are rather liberal and we have not honour stoned a pregnant woman since ever. I could have taken time off from work the second my pregnancy was confirmed with no negative repercussions. I simply wanted to keep working.

There is a relatively famous story of a combat commander who got pregnant and remained on active duty until her child was born. What made her story noteworthy is that she completed a 55km hike in full uniform whilst seven months pregnant. Much was said of the fact that she remained in uniform up until her maternity leave. Officers are exempt from wearing any uniform at any time during their pregnancy, regardless of job title or duties. I think the more exceptional aspect to this story is that she made the hike whilst seven months pregnant. Who cares what she was wearing.

Working until I drop is no longer an option for me. I could return to work as soon as I am medically approved but more than a few people have expressed their opinions rather unambiguously. Everybody I know has told me to sit this one out. My natural reaction is to go against whatever I am told to do. There are also psychological considerations. Not returning to work as soon as possible could make it difficult to return later. Shoot me off my horse and I want to get back on straight away. The last time I forced myself to stay away from flying professionally it took me eight years to get back.

But as soon as the doctor says, “Congratulations. You got knocked up,” your priorities have suddenly gone pear shaped. All that independence goes out the front door. Another person comes first. As soon as they start shooting at your baby it is time to let somebody else do the job. Defiantly standing up for yourself is never as important as protecting your child.

Technically nobody was shooting at my baby. It is highly unlikely that any of the masked freedom fighters who are keeping the world safe for totalitarianism even knew that any of the infidels they were trying to liberate from life were pregnant. According to the experts, they were trying to kill our patient. Not that it matters at this point.

More than a few people have criticised Israel for letting pregnant women serve in the military. More than a few people have criticised Israel for letting any women serve in the military. More than a few people have criticised Israel for even having a military. I think the system works pretty well. Rather than punish women for being pregnant, as most countries do, Israel lets the woman decide what she can and cannot do whilst pregnant. She can take maternity leave at any time or leave her job altogether. She can stay up until the point that she, and not some old men, decides to take a break.

I have read how this means that Israel hates women. Ignoring the hypocrisy of how women are treated by the countries that want all Israelis dead, I think it shows how much Israel respects women. Everybody is supposed to serve at least two or three years in the IDF. Theoretically. There are a million ways to get out of compulsory service. Especially for women. All of my sisters got out of it. Women who serve generally have more options than men. And pregnant women can do pretty much whatever they want.

But the fact that a pregnant woman can choose to serve in a combat position scares the hell out of a lot of people. Sooner or later there is going to be a photograph in a newspaper of a pregnant soldier lying dead on the ground. That will not be a good day for anybody. There will be reports issued by committees. Options will likely be reduced. Women’s groups will complain about regression. I would never want to be the face of that campaign. Especially since it would require my untimely demise and the likely death of my unborn. I am glad that I have the choice and since I do, I choose to keep us safe.

One of the best things about getting wounded in service to your country, aside from all the fun scars and party conversation topics, is the food. Take a bullet for your country and you get all the ice cream you can eat. They say babies eat whatever their mothers eat. I hope this one likes chunky monkey.

A Tale of Two Systems

It was neither the best of times nor the worst of times.

I am not at all unbiased when it comes to the relationship between Israelis and the terrorists who want to murder all Jews, most Arabs and any Muslims who disagree with their fanaticism. Some might even argue that that sentence shows a complete lack of impartiality. It is true. I do not want my family, my country and my entire culture to be wiped off the face of the Earth. Strange as that may sound.

Some might even say that my portrayal of this is too extreme. But is it? One side wants to be left alone. One side wants to kill every last man, woman and child on the other side whether they are Jewish, Christian, Muslim, Druze, Baha’i, other. You know you must have taken a wrong turn somewhere when you want to blow up the Baha’i.

I may be biased but those do not sound like equally balanced goals. If my side wins then everybody gets their own state and people can live their lives in peace and Coca Cola. If the other side wins then most of the people I know are dead. So I am obviously biased toward the peace and lack of genocide option.

But let’s see if we can look at this objectively. Three Jewish teenagers were kidnapped and murdered. Then an Arab teenager was murdered. Four children are dead but is there any difference in how people responded to those murders.

The Jewish teenagers were kidnapped because they were Jewish. They were likely kidnapped so that they could be traded for convicted mass murderers or money. The people who kidnap teenagers for ransom consider kidnapping a legitimate course of action in their crusade for domination over both the land and its people.

The Arab teenager was probably murdered because he was Arab. He was either murdered in retaliation over the Jewish teenagers or he was murdered by Arab terrorists. Time will tell. People who murder each other in retaliation know that it is wrong. People who murder their own kind in order to incite hatred of another group think that such a thing is a legitimate course of action.

Israeli leaders held Palestinian leaders, especially Mahmoud Abbas, responsible when the Jewish teenagers were kidnapped. Abbas said that it was none of his business since Hamas kidnapped the children and he does not control Hamas. That used to be a convenient excuse for complete inaction, especially since Hamas and Fatah spent more time killing each other than they did killing Israelis. But now they are supposedly united. If Abbas is their anointed dictator as he claims then he is responsible for their actions. If he is not responsible for their actions then he is clearly not their united leader. I am perfectly willing to accept either option but no one should accept both.

Palestinian leaders held Israeli leaders responsible for the Arab teenager. Abbas specifically singled out Netanyahu, saying that the leader of a people is responsible for the crimes of those people, even though he has always absolved himself completely of any and all responsibility of crimes committed by his people. Say what you will about Mahmoud Abbas but the man has chutzpah.

Israeli officials acted immediately when the Jewish teenagers were kidnapped and the area was thoroughly searched. This prompted an outcry from leaders of the searched neighbourhoods who felt that their people should be left out of it. There was no offer from Palestinian officials to help bring the murderers to justice.

Palestinian leaders demanded that Israel immediately find the murderer of the Arab teenager and bring him to justice, even though that would require searching neighbourhoods and upsetting some of those people.

Israeli citizens sat back and waited to see what would happen when the Jewish teenagers were kidnapped. There were prayers and condolences but the officials in charge were allowed to do their jobs and find the children. There were more prayers and more condolences when the bodies were found. People called for the murderers to be brought to justice but there were no chants of genocide or ethnic cleansing.

Palestinians rioted and attacked soldiers and each other in the streets when the Arab teenager was found. There were chants of “death to Israel” and “death to Jews” and somebody somewhere is probably making a few explosives.

Some Palestinians danced in the streets when the Jewish teenagers were found dead and people publicly rejoiced at the murder of three children. Some Palestinian leaders praised the kidnappings and the murderers were immediately praised as heroes.

No Israelis rejoiced at the murder of the Arab teenager. Israeli leaders, as well as the families of the murdered Jewish teenagers, publicly condemned the killing. As did the United Nations, United States, several other countries. The murderer is seen as a criminal in Israel.

The memorial services for the Jewish teenagers included crying, public support for each other and families, lots of prayers and hugging.

The memorial services for the Arab teenager included flag burnings, rocks thrown, chants of death to Israel and the United States.

When a Palestinian child is killed, people say that children should always be left out of it. There is international outrage and all the American news outlets interrupt their endless coverage of Syrians and Iraqis killing each other. Everybody says that these children are innocent bystanders who should not pay for the actions of their fathers and grandfathers. I agree with that completely. Unlike the United Nations, the International Community and CNN, I also agree with that even when it is Jewish children who are paying.

One side of this conflict teaches their children that there are disputes and disagreements. The other side teaches their children that Jews are evil monsters and must be murdered indiscriminately at all costs, as should any Arab “collaborators”. Which is more damaging to both sets of children? A checkpoint is inconvenient but it will never kill your child. A bomb strapped to his chest almost definitely will.

I was just wondering.

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I have given some thought about pregnancy and childbirth in the internet age and I have decided that my child will be the first, and likely only, child born in the year 2014 that will not have a Facebook account, Twitter account or have thousands of portraits online before she or he is even old enough to know what a portrait is. I shall indeed photograph the crap out of this child but those images are for people who can see them without a computer.

When my sisters and I were children our parents took pictures of us. But instead of plastering them all over the internet, which would have been quite the feat at the time, those pictures were stored in bulky books we used to call photo albums. When visitors came over they could look at the photo albums or choose not to. Those pictures were never thrust upon anybody. Our parents were somehow able to live full and satisfying lives without illustrating their every thought with pictures of their little angels. Amazingly, against all odds, we survived.

Maybe in 20 years I will do whatever the equivalent of a blog will be then and flood it with 20 years’ worth of zlap files and holograms. But for now this child is going to have some semblance of a private life.

At least until the teen years. Then I will close my eyes and hope for the best.

The Pregnancy Pledge

I, state my name, pledge not to turn this into a pregnancy blog. The only people who find those even the least interesting are other pregnant women. Pregnancy is like climbing Mount Everest. People want to hear that you are doing it and they want to hear the end result. But only those who have also done it want to hear about all the details in between.

I pledge to only mention my frequency of urination whilst pregnant as much as I did before pregnant.

I pledge not to ever use the phrase “mucus plug”. Other than just now.

I pledge to never tell Cyberia how dilated my cervix is or discuss the goings on of my uterus.

I live in a culture where pregnant women are automatically the centre of attention. I have a mother who has been on me to have children for almost half of my life, and sisters who are desperate for another niece or nephew. I do not need Cyberia for attention.

But I am going to point out just how completely surreal it is to be pregnant. For most of your life, aside from those teenage years, your body is your body. Suddenly it takes on a life of its own. I suppose technically it is the life growing inside that takes over. People who jump from 135kg to 60kg or people who become paraplegic probably know what it all feels like but most of us have relatively consistent bodies. Those of us who stay in shape are accustomed to feeling a certain way and knowing that we can count on our bodies to do whatever it is supposed to do. Pregnancy changes all of that.

Swimming is still in. Swimming is a great way to exercise at every stage of pregnancy. Being the size of a whale is irrelevant under water. In fact, actual whales do much better in water than out.

Rock climbing is out. Minor falls that I would never give a second thought are suddenly cause for concern. My doctor also suggested I not do any skydiving in the immediate future but I have not willingly jumped out of a plane in some time.

Surfing is still ok but my centre of gravity will gradually shift. That will likely make it all far more difficult than it needs to be. Surfers spend a lifetime working on balance. There is probably a reason you never see a nine month pregnant woman on a surfboard.

Running is still in but I am going to have to gradually slow down in the coming months. I suppose now is not the best time to sign up for a marathon.

Now I am supposed to watch my heart rate. Nobody should ever let it get too high but it was never something I paid much attention to before. When I push myself too hard there are usually a million other things that go before my heart.

I probably had more to say but I have to get to the bathroom now.

New Year’s Resolution

But this year I’m making a resolution. I will meet my future husband. Not necessarily get married. I know that it takes time to develop real relationships. It is unlikely that I will meet somebody tomorrow and be ready to marry by the end of the year. Especially with my schedule. And I’ve reason to believe that my sister might get married this year. I don’t want to take anything away from her. I have no tangible evidence to back up my claim. It is more a suspicion than anything else. But I am willing to put money on it. Any takers?

Let’s Go For a Drive

 


 




The food pictures that I did not take are free use stock pictures. The still from Georges Méliès’ Trip to the Moon is out of copyright. The helicopter is copyright Universal Studios. I don’t know where the breastfeeding picture came from. It might have come with my OS.

Fight the Real Enemy

 

I’ve no doubt that the highest ranking Catholic leaders are an arrogant bunch. When you are in charge of the most powerful religion in the world and hold sway over a billion people with little accountability in this life you are bound to grow a thick head. But covering up the rape and molestation of who knows how many children for who knows how many centuries is not the same as murdering people who refuse to convert. Killing people is easy to rationalise. Especially people who are different. Humans have a great talent for this. Attacking children, your own children is not something most people can accept. This is the kind of thing that can really turn people off. Without all those people you lose all that power and influence. Not to mention all that money.

Baby What a Big Surprise

They went to all of the right doctors who told them there is no conceivable reason they should not be able to get pregnant. They said her lady parts seem to be working and his sperm are “ordinary”. I’m not sure that is what any man wants to hear but it is good news. None of this explained why they were not getting pregnant but it all meant that they would not have to take an array of fertility drugs and have multiple fertilised eggs implanted in her uterus. They want one or two babies, not eight.

Passport to Cambodia

Why I’m Not a Snob

By the time I went to university I was a movie junkie. I felt empty if I did not see at least two or three movies a week. I never really cared about genres but at this point I preferred surreal comedies. While some of my friends and every nerd on the planet could quote Life of Brian I was quoting The Meaning of Life. I was proud of my imitation of the machine that goes ping.

I always defended Mel Brooks up until Men in Tights and was very familiar with all of Woody Allen’s “early funny” movies. I was just getting into the Coen brothers. Fargo was the first movie I saw in an American cinema.

The Illusion of Freedom

Just look at a teenager’s to do list: 

Go to school
Hang out
Talk on the phone
Try to get laid


Just look at an adult’s to do list: 

Wake up the husband
Wake up the children
Wake up the husband again
Make breakfast for people who always want something else
Take children to school
Take husband to work because his driver’s licence was revoked
Go to work and hope a natural disaster closes the place down that day
Take son to ballet class
Take daughter to football practice
Retrieve husband’s shirt that he stained when he got drunk at the office party from the cleaners
Retrieve the car from the shop after somebody hit it because they were too stressed to pay attention
Go to the gynecologist
Go to the dentist
Go to the oncologist
Go to the proctologist
Go to the psychiatrist
Do all the grocery shopping for a house full of people
Retrieve son from ballet class
Retrieve daughter from football practice
Retrieve husband from his dead-end job 
Make dinner that nobody appreciates
Pay whichever bills have the highest interest rates/late penalties
Fall asleep at 9pm because you’re too exhausted to stay awake and balance the bankbook

What Is Terrorism?

We consider any attack from Palestinian militants or their sympathetic neighbours to be terrorism. But is any premeditated shooting against a group of people you don’t like terrorism? Palestinian terrorists are not terrorists because they are Palestinian. They are terrorists because they are killing innocent civilians, mostly children and the elderly, simply because they do not like us.

B is for Braai

I was not the worst student either. I only skipped classes for good reason. Like the surf was good that day or the local art house cinema was showing an Orson Welles retrospective. I avoided cigarettes and drugs like a pestilence. At least until university. I drank more than a teenager should but we are encouraged to take wine on the holy days and what is holier than Shabbat? I know the boys were praising God whenever we drank.

You'll Always Be a Baby To Me

Though she was born a long long time ago

My mother is one of those people who does not mind getting older. She simply does not want it to happen so quickly. She still thinks of herself as a thirty something. But her youngest daughter is 28. Her oldest is 36. We are constant reminders that her youth is long since passed. Sometimes she says she is middle aged. Only if she lives to 120. Assuming she is 60 now. I shall never tell.

新年快樂

下週一是農曆春節，在中國稱作為春節或農曆春節。在中國以外的區域稱為中國人的新年。不論你如何稱呼它，它開始於中國農民曆的第一天，不同於穆斯林與希伯來人的月曆，這個假期開始於農民曆的第一天，結束於農曆十五，最後一天就是元宵節，但是不同國家的中國人通常只慶祝剛開始的前幾天。

對於年代的排序取決於你和誰談論，新年開始慶祝於4706年或4646年。在中國的部分地區稱為民國98年(像是台灣)，年代的開始主要是因為朝代的替換，新朝代的開始就稱為元年，清朝是最後一個帝王統治的朝代，它結束於西元1911年，中華民國開始於西元1912年，近年多數的中國人開始使用羅馬的曆法而稱為西元2009年，不論你使用那種曆法(農民曆或是西洋曆)，它即將由中國生肖的鼠年到今年的牛年。

在節慶的開始，家家戶戶會開始清掃門戶(又稱做大掃除)並貼上新的春聯。紅色在中國傳統是非常幸運的顏色，它也象徵了吉祥與喜樂。在春節期間，人們會用紅包裝入壓歲錢給年輕的成員。雖然到後來錢都花到7-11買東西，但裝了錢的紅包可以驅走不好的事情。單數(1.3.5.7.9)在中國人的眼中代表不吉利，雙數(2.6.8.10)就代表好事，所以中國人常說「好事成雙」。除了數字4對中國人來說代表不吉利外，因為發音與「死」相近。大部分的中國人喜歡「6」代表「六六大順」、「8」與「發」的發音表示「發財」與「賺大錢」。小孩常常會說些吉祥話向是「恭喜發財」、「新年快樂」，雙手環抱鞠躬來拿取紅包，當長輩看到小孩可愛的模樣，很難說「不」。

星期天就是農曆除夕(又稱大年夜)，所有家中的成員會一起吃年夜飯(又稱圍爐)。年菜中一定會有鱼(象徵著年年有餘)、油角、年糕、羅漢齋等象徵著繁榮興旺。年夜飯也是一年當中最重要的一頓晚餐，傳統的習俗家人會再吃完年夜飯後到廟裡燒香祈求未來的一年平安順遂，但這幾年比較受歡迎的是除夕的跨年守歲活動。有些家庭在初一的早上會吃水餃，因為水餃的形狀和古時候的錢「元寶」相似，象徵著新的一年衣食無缺，有些家庭甚至會在水餃中包入新的硬幣，當你吃到包了錢幣的水餃會帶給你一年的好運。

在大年初一人們會去向家中的長輩拜年，有時需要長途跋涉或是搭乘大眾交通工具像是火車。去年中國遇到非常大的暴風雪，影響到上百萬人的返鄉之路。這天也是舞龍、舞獅與鞭炮聲齊鳴的時刻，比較大的城市像是北京和香港更將這種表演當成公眾的演出。農曆的初二也就是回娘家，這天所有出嫁的女兒，會從夫家返回家中探視他們的雙親或是祖父母。對少數人而言，這幾天需要花額外的時間返家探親與拜年。

經過三到四天的假期，大部分的人在農曆初五會回到工作崗位。但是過節的氣氛還是延續，人們還是會吃特別的食物與放鞭炮(煙火)。但相對的就比較少去跟親戚拜年。

農曆春節的第15天就是元宵節，這一天到處充滿著燈籠，公園與大眾場所也會掛滿著紅色的燈籠。也有大的展示會場展示各式各樣精刁細琢的花燈，小孩子則會提著小燈籠玩耍。也有一種稱為湯圓(裡面包著各種餡料，像是紅豆、芝麻、花生或是鮮肉)，人們會在燈光與花燈籠罩的氣氛下享用湯圓。

新年快樂。

Chinese Astrology: Just Me

If I were Chinese I’d accept my fate. But I’m Jewish. We fight back. Not so much in the first 5000 years but we’ve figured it out lately. As accurate as most of this information is I don’t believe we’re all doomed to live the way some chart says we will. I think the predictions mostly come true because people believe they will. They subconsciously or consciously make it happen. I choose to reject the bad and embrace the good. I will have children and we will have a great relationship. I’ll move the stars to make that happen.

How to Marry Me

You have to be a man. I like men despite rumours to the contrary, some of which I may have started. I am the first to admit that women are better at certain things than men. I’ve no wish to be too graphic but most of them involve soft moist tongues on dripping wet labia. Bless men for trying, but women do it better. But I prefer boy parts to girl parts overall. Rubbing your vulva against mine does nothing for me. But if you have a penis then I can probably think of a few things to do with it.

Birthday Dance

Getting old never bothered me when I was young, but now that I am so dreadfully close to 30 I’m getting worried. Thirty is an adult. When you are 30 you have a husband and a baby or two. And a nice house with a garden and your very own tree. I’ve never had my own tree. You should know that about me.