Today’s Update

Somebody asked me why I don’t post here every day. I guess you are supposed to update your blog daily. That’s some kind of rule. I don’t. I never did. I’m sure I never shall. I’m one of those people who’d rather live life than sit around talking about it. The unexamined life might not be worth living, but if all your day is spent in introspection then what is the use? You have to go outdoors and do before you can write about what you did anyway.

I could talk about what movies I’ve just seen or what I’m making for supper tonight, but who would want to read about all that? I would not. I could describe in detail what I do every day. That would be a great cure for the insomniacs. I’ve read blogs that are just somebody’s random thoughts. I suppose there is some experimental value in that, but I’m never going to be somebody who sits at the computer every time anything crosses my mind.

If you’re looking for a daily internet fix this isn’t the place for you. There’s so much out there already for you. I’m not trying to have the most popular blog in the world. It suits its purpose just fine as is. All the news that’s fit to print, not whatever it takes to fill the space.

Wan is the Question

I complained about China when I lived there, mostly about the drivers, but it is a great country. The food is unbeatable. I have been unable to find real Chinese food since I left. There is some great scenery around 長江河, what the rest of the world calls the Yangtze River, and the Tibet Plateau is amazing. People who know me might remember that most of my complaints while there were about the bureaucracy and especially the very bad drivers. As a visitor I will not have to deal with any of that. I will only have the usual travel bureaucracy and hopefully I can get others to do all my driving.

What Type of Internet Poster Are You?

The Expert
The Expert knows everything about everything. He knows exactly why you are wrong and he is not afraid to constantly point out the error of your ways. Do not try to back up your claim with facts or logic because he always has a link to some website that agrees with his point of view, no matter how insane it is.

Offline the Expert probably has difficulty maintaining healthy sexual relationships.

Father’s Day

I stayed with Mother in Israel for a while after Papa died. It was nice to be so close to the family but I don’t know if I can live there permanently. I’m the last one. Everybody wants me to but I have some political issues with Israel. I know I won’t stay in China permanetly but I don’t know how long I’ll be here or where I’ll go next. I’d love to try other parts of Asia or even South America. Israel should still be there when I’m done.

I think Papa would tell me to keep exploring.

The Chosen People

GOD NAMES NEXT "CHOSEN PEOPLE"; IT'S JEWS AGAIN
"Oh Shit," Say Jews

JERUSALEM — Jews, whose troubled, 10,000-year term as God's "chosen people" finally expired last night, woke up this morning to find that they had once again been hand-picked by the Almighty. Synagogues across the globe declared a day of mourning.

Asked if the descendants of Abraham shouldn't be pleased about being tapped for an unprecedented second term, Jerusalem Rabbi Ben Meyerson shrugged. "Of course, you are right, we should be thrilled," he said. "We should also enjoy a good swift kick in the head, but for some reason, we don't.

"Now don't ask such questions until you watch the news, or read history, or at least rent Fiddler on the Roof."

Much of the world's re-blessed Jewish community shared that feeling. "It's always been considered a joke with us. You know, 'Please G-d, next time choose someone else,' ha ha," said New York City resident David Bashert.

"Ha. Ha ha," Bashert added. "Shit."

According to a worldwide survey of faiths, not a single group expressed an interest in being chosen, and the only application submitted before last night's filing deadline, on behalf of the Islamic people, proved to be a fake.

"Somebody filled out a form and signed our name to it, but I guarantee it wasn't us," said Imam Yusuf Al Muhammed of Medina, Saudi Arabia. "I'm not going to say who it was, but the application was filled out in Hebrew."

"Oh, don't be such a k'vatsh," responded Meyerson. "It's only 10,000 years. Trust me, after a few diaspora, you would have gotten used to the universal hatred thing."

Due to the absence of voluntary candidates, God's Law stipulated that the Almighty had to choose a people at random to serve out the next 10-millenia term. Elias Contreau, director of the International Interfaith Working Group, said he wasn't surprised it came to a blind drawing.

"According to the Bible, God promised to bless Abraham and those who came after him," said Contreau. "Who knows, maybe that sounded good at the time, or maybe 'blessed' meant something different back then, like 'Short periods of prosperity interrupted by insufferable friggin' chaos.' Whatever, I think it's safe to say that people didn't know what they were agreeing to."

Now they do, Contreau added, which he said explains why so many religions had lately been exalting God's existence, but downplaying their own.

"We were not avoiding Him. We just told our parishioners that if Anyone asks, we're out," insisted Archbishop of Canterbury Dr. George Carey, who had called off services during February. "Besides, we weren't the only ones. I didn't see the Hindus raising their hands."

"Now look, it's like we told the ethereal vision who dropped off the application, 'Sure, we have a strong shared faith and all that, but I wouldn't exactly say we're a 'people,' not really,'" recalled Hindu leader Samuldrala Swami Maharaj of Calcutta. "Plus, you know, I told him we had a lot of other commitments. We'd like to help, honestly. Another time, maybe."

In Jerusalem, Jewish leaders said they will propose an amendment to God's Law prohibiting a people from having to serve more than two consecutive terms. "Hopefully, G-d will hear our prayer," said Meyerson. "No, wait, that's what got us into this."

Americans, meanwhile, expressed outrage at the decision, saying they had assumed they were God's chosen people. However, explained Archbishop Carey, "It only seems that way because so many people don't like you."

Copyright © 2002 SatireWire

http://www.satirewire.com/news/march02/chosen.shtml

Cooking Corner

It’s Over, Move On

The root cause is your misperception that I’m some kind of servant just waiting around all day for you to say jump. If you want a servant, hire one. If you want somebody to yell at, watch TV. If you want a girlfriend, you have to treat her like she is the most precious thing to ever come into your life. Because she is.

We Kill In Peace

Israel to attack Iran unless enrichment stops

By Dan Williams, Reuters
6 June 2008

JERUSALEM - An Israeli attack on Iranian nuclear sites looks "unavoidable" given the apparent failure of sanctions to deny Tehran technology with bomb-making potential, one of Prime Minister Ehud Olmert's deputies said on Friday.

"If Iran continues with its program for developing nuclear weapons,
we will attack it. The sanctions are ineffective," Transport Minister Shaul
Mofaz told the mass-circulation Yedioth Ahronoth newspaper.

"Attacking Iran, in order to stop its nuclear plans, will be unavoidable," said the former army chief who has also been defense minister.

Mofaz, who is also designated as a deputy prime minister, has remained privy to Israel's defense planning. He is a member of Olmert's security cabinet and leads regular strategic coordination talks with the U.S. State Department.

Iran has defied Western pressure to abandon its uranium enrichment projects, which it says are for peaceful electricity generation rather than bomb-building. The leadership in Tehran has also threatened to retaliate against Israel -- believed to have the Middle East's only atomic arsenal -- and U.S. targets in the Gulf for any attack on Iran.

Israeli planes destroyed Iraq's nuclear reactor in 1981.

A similar Israeli sortie over Syria last September razed what the U.S. administration said was a nascent nuclear reactor built with North Korean help. Syria denied having any such facility.

Leaving China

The only accurate stereotype is that Chinese are bad drivers. This is completely true. They’re the worst drivers I’ve ever seen anywhere in the world. I know that sounds like I’m generalising and exaggerating but I’m really not. I can say without hyperbole I’ve never met a single one who’d pass a driving test in any “Western” country. I don’t know what it is. It’s probably a lot to do with their lack of personal space. I don’t know any Chinese who would not think twice about slamming into somebody while walking, so maybe they see driving in the same way. But that is just stupid. Surely anybody knows if you hit another car while driving it is worse than if you hit another pedestrian while walking.

Maybe not. I’ve noticed an inability to recognise that their actions have consequences. It’s nothing to do with intelligence. I’ve had some students who are scary smart. I think it is an inability to think beyond the next move that comes from 5000 years of dictatorship. When you’ve always had leaders tell you your every move you probably lose all foresight. I’ve played chess a handful of times here. I’m not a great chess player but I always won. My opponents, like most everybody else, seemed unable to look beyond here and now. So maybe they know that crashing into another car is a bad idea but they cannot see that driving like a raving lunatic can easily result in that crash.

Birthday Dance

Getting old never bothered me when I was young, but now that I am so dreadfully close to 30 I’m getting worried. Thirty is an adult. When you are 30 you have a husband and a baby or two. And a nice house with a garden and your very own tree. I’ve never had my own tree. You should know that about me.

Just Like Starting Over

The main purpose for me to write a blog is to keep in touch with friends near and far. For reasons both exceptional and banal I know people all around the world. Blogging is like writing a long rambling mass e-mail to everybody. They read mine and I read theirs. We all have e-mail and phones, but blogs are yet another tool to keep in touch. I say the more ways I can stay connected with people I care about the better. People who do not know me personally you can still read it. I don’t know how interesting it will be, but since everybody and their dog has one we have to assume that somebody is reading them. Most of the readers at the old site didn’t know me at all.