No Pill’s Gonna Cure My Ill

I have been prone to headaches since my accident in 2002. I rarely talk about it because there is little I find more tedious than when people whinge about minor medical issues. I have received all manner of magnetic resonance imaging, computed tomography, and even computed axial tomography back when those were popular. The hospital in Alaska was especially thorough, as any hospital should be after such an impact trauma, and assured me that there was nothing wrong with my brain. From the accident, at least. I have been to the best hospitals in Israel and they have all assured me that everything in my head is where it should be. Apparently nobody fully understands the human brain or why it does what it does but mine is not trying to kill me.

Recently the headaches have increased in frequency and duration. So, living in a country where medical treatment is not considered a luxury item, I went in for another round of tests. They put more radiation in my brain and told me that everything looked as it should. Then they moved on to other tests.

During all of these adventures in modern medicine, Dara had her own medical announcement. My sister is pregnant again. They tried for years to get pregnant the first time and assumed that it would likely never happen again. Her second child is due two months before her 41st birthday.

Then the doctors figured out what is making my brain explode. Tests revealed that my body is flooded with human chorionic gonadotropin. The two most likely causes of this are testicular cancer, which the doctors pretty much ruled out straight away, and pregnancy. I seem to have got knocked up.

More tests revealed that I do in fact have a living creature growing inside me. Hopefully not in a John Hurt sense. Either way it will take some getting used to. I am generally only accustomed to having somebody inside me for very limited periods of time. They always consider it a long time, but let’s face it, nine months of something growing in you is far longer than one or two minutes.

The first time in my life that I thought I was pregnant, I was not. This time, pregnancy never crossed my mind. I was too busy trying to keep my head from exploding. Every mother in the world, mine most definitely included, can tell you that children are a headache. This one simply started the process early.

To make life more amusing, Dara and I are due at pretty much the same time. Maybe not the exact day but close enough. I like the idea of cousins growing up together. In theory, at least. I never had any cousins so I have no idea what they are actually like. Yoel, their oldest cousin, will hit 19 just before they are born. Dara’s daughter will be 4 just before her younger sister or brother is born. So we went from a family of only one child for a very long time to a family of three young children all at the same time.

Neither Dara nor I know if they will be boys or girls. We do not want to know and it is too soon to tell anyway. They are currently sexless blobs. Not unlike many members of Congress. I hope they each have more common sense.

Now I have to read a bunch of pregnancy and baby books. Have you ever read any of these things? They are not the most exciting reads. On the plus side, I do not have to deal with itchy balls.