When Pigs Flew

Mad cow, bird flu, swine flu. What do all these animals have against us? Is this their revenge for our dinners, shoes and viagra? Couldn’t they just rise up in some Orwellian fashion?

Durban II 2

There is an irony in letting Mahmoud Ahmadinejad make a speech at a conference on racism. I wonder if it was lost on the delegates. Then again, the United Nations described the conference as a “shining example of what the UN is supposed to do best: unite to combat injustice in the world.” How’s that for irony?

Justice Inaction

On Wednesday the people of South Afrika will once again rubber stamp the ANC into office and elect the racist, sexist, homophobic and corrupt asshole Jacob Zuma president. I don’t like Jacob Zuma.

I don’t like him because he hates white people and that is the kind of thinking this country needs to finally be rid of. I don’t like him because he hates women. I don’t know how he can have so many wives and still think so little of women. I don’t think you can effectively rule a country if you consider half of its people inferior. I don’t like him because he advocates violence against homosexuals, unmarried pregnant women and anybody who does not fit his idea of an acceptable religious adherent. I don’t want him to be president because he is the epitome of corruption within a party that has elevated corruption to high art.

My Favourite Sedarim

The time I accidentally brought two dates. As an unwritten rule we try not to bring anybody we are not serious about. Not that anybody would mind but we like to save the real torture for those who deserve it most. I was not really serious about either of them but I was a young rebel at the time and I had completely forgotten that I’d invited one when I invited the other. It was uncomfortable for a few people, especially my dates, but I thought it was funny. This was probably my mother’s favourite seder because she got to interrogate two boys for the price of one.

Spring Cleaning

This year’s seder was pretty much like any other. My grandmother, mother and I cooked the meal. We did a wonderful job. We all took turns reading the haggadah. Most of us argued about politics, with Ria and I on one end and the men on the other. My grandfather and I drank too much. He always used to be able to drink me under the table but I think his advancing years are finally catching up with him. Soon the student will be the teacher.

Pesach

Barukh atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech haO’lam shehheh chehyanu vehki yehmanu vehheganu lazman hazeh.

En kelohenu. En kadonenu. En kemalkenu. En kemoshi’enu.
Mi kelohenu. Mi kadonenu. Mi kemalkenu. Mi kemoshi’enu.
Nodeh lelohenu. Nodeh ladonenu. Nodeh lemalkenu. Nodeh lemoshi’enu.
Barukh Elohenu. Barukh Adonenu. Barukh Malkenu. Barukh Moshi’enu.
Atah hu Elohenu. Atah hu Adonenu. Atah hu Malkenu. Atah hu Moshi’enu.
Atah hu shehiqtiru abotenu, lefanekha eth qetoreth hasamim.

For King and Country

I don’t understand putting king before country. Without the country the king is just some guy yelling maniacally at people on the street. Without the king you find a new king. The country goes on. We don’t have a king but I can’t imagine anybody putting our PM above the country. The PM’s job is to serve the people. At least in theory. A no confidence vote means little to a king but it’s essentially the same job.