We Can’t Rewind, We’ve Gone Too Far

But there is plenty of nudity. If you record our video talks you will get to see more of us than most people would want to see. It started with a little peak of body parts here and there and escalated into something you might see on late night TV. The image quality is not very good so any thoughts of packaging and selling our show and tell time will have to wait until somebody makes a free high quality teleconference application. Many years ago somebody that I used to know threatened to sell pictures of me doing things that my mother would not want to see. But those pictures were all at low resolutions even by the standards of the day; something like 0.1 megapixels. Good luck selling them now. By the time high definition webcams are standard we will both be too old to make much money off of our prurient side. He will be back home long before that anyway.

This reminds me, I need to get more whipped cream.

The Many Fascinating Adventures of Electronica

Chinese has no alphabet. Every word is its own symbol, though there are many compound words. There are about 50 000 different characters with 215 basic root words. That simply will not fit on any reasonable keyboard. Typing in Chinese requires using the key which is most likely to have the word you want and scrolling down until you find what you are looking for. It is time consuming and easy to see why government agencies use pen and paper.

“Parks and other public spaces are full of mostly red lanterns” took me probably four seconds to type. “公園與大眾場所也會掛滿著紅色的燈籠” took over four seconds per word.

我会买明天新的厨房毛巾。

Lies, Damned Lies and Statistics

According to the pageviews by countries list, more people from the United States visit this blog than every other country combined. I know a few people in the US but not enough to explain that. I know far more people in Israel, South Afrika, China but they are much farther down the list. In fact, China is not on it at all but all the Chinese posts are among the most viewed. My friends in China have to work around the government’s efforts to keep its people offline and I guess keeping the reds out of your computer also keeps Blogger stats out as well.

What I find strange is that India and Saudi Arabia are high on the list. I seem to be fairly popular in southeast Asia and the European countries make sense to me but Saudi Arabia?

One of the higher keyword searches is “saudi arab nude” but given the complete lack of naked Saudis on this site you might expect people to stop looking. Unless it is a case of come for the nude Saudis, stay for the military Zionists.

Decent Exposure

Once we made our way from civilisation to nature we set up camp and Yoel and I put our clothes in bags where they belong. Yoel’s girlfriend was noticeably nervous so we decided to head straight for the water. Sometimes people need an excuse to strip off and swimming is as good as any. It is funny how people get when they are getting naked in front of others for the first time. It reminds me of watching people go off to war. Except that nudity is far less serious and almost never gets you killed. And war is a horribly unnatural invention of man. Also unlike war, we never pressured Yoel’s girlfriend into anything. She was free to remain as clothed as she wanted for as long as she wanted. She wanted to join us. She just needed the swimming excuse to help her along.

India, a Passage

But as anybody who has ever gone anywhere on business trips can tell you, it is the worst way to see a country. India is huge. I was never going to experience much of it in such a limited time. But spending most of that time at military bases is even worse. Add to that the fact that women in India’s military are few and far between. While Israel has been conscripting women since 1948 India’s military is entirely voluntary. And few women seem to want to volunteer. They are most likely not very welcome either.

Bibi Goes to Washington

I am deeply honored by your warm welcome. And I am deeply honored that you have given me the opportunity to address Congress a second time.

Mr Vice President, do you remember the time we were the new kids in town?

And I do see a lot of old friends here. And I do see a lot of new friends of Israel here. Democrats and Republicans alike.

Israel has no better friend than America. And America has no better friend than Israel. We stand together to defend democracy. We stand together to advance peace. We stand together to fight terrorism. Congratulations America. Congratulations, Mr President. You got bin Laden. Good riddance.

In an unstable Middle East, Israel is the one anchor of stability. In a region of shifting alliances, Israel is America’s unwavering ally. Israel has always been pro-American. Israel will always be pro-American.

My friends, you don’t need to do nation building in Israel. We’re already built. You don’t need to export democracy to Israel. We’ve already got it. You don’t need to send American troops to defend Israel. We defend ourselves. You’ve been very generous in giving us tools to do the job of defending Israel on our own. Thank you all, and thank you President Obama, for your steadfast commitment to Israel’s security. I know economic times are tough. I deeply appreciate this.

Support for Israel’s security is a wise investment in our common future. For an epic battle is now unfolding in the Middle East, between tyranny and freedom. A great convulsion is shaking the earth from the Khyber Pass to the Straits of Gibraltar. The tremors have shattered states and toppled governments.

And we can all see that the ground is still shifting. Now this historic moment holds the promise of a new dawn of freedom and opportunity. Millions of young people are determined to change their future. We all look at them. They muster courage. They risk their lives. They demand dignity. They desire liberty.

These extraordinary scenes in Tunis and Cairo, evoke those of Berlin and Prague in 1989. Yet as we share their hopes, but we also must also remember that those hopes could be snuffed out as they were in Tehran in 1979. You remember what happened then. The brief democratic spring in Iran was cut short by a ferocious and unforgiving tyranny. This same tyranny smothered Lebanon’s democratic Cedar Revolution, and inflicted on that long-suffering country, the medieval rule of Hezbollah.

So today, the Middle East stands at a fateful crossroads. Like all of you, I pray that the peoples of the region choose the path less travelled, the path of liberty. No one knows what this path consists of better than you. This path is not paved by elections alone. It is paved when governments permit protests in town squares, when limits are placed on the powers of rulers, when judges are beholden to laws and not men, and when human rights cannot be crushed by tribal loyalties or mob rule.

Israel has always embraced this path, in the Middle East has long rejected it. In a region where women are stoned, gays are hanged, Christians are persecuted, Israel stands out. It is different.

As the great English writer George Eliot predicted over a century ago, that once established, the Jewish state will “shine like a bright star of freedom amid the despotisms of the East.” Well, she was right. We have a free press, independent courts, an open economy, rambunctious parliamentary debates. You think you guys are tough on one another in Congress? Come spend a day in the Knesset. Be my guest.

Courageous Arab protesters, are now struggling to secure these very same rights for their peoples, for their societies. We’re proud that over one million Arab citizens of Israel have been enjoying these rights for decades. Of the 300 million Arabs in the Middle East and North Africa, only Israel’s Arab citizens enjoy real democratic rights. I want you to stop for a second and think about that. Of those 300 million Arabs, less than one-half of one-percent are truly free, and they’re all citizens of Israel.

This startling fact reveals a basic truth: Israel is not what is wrong about the Middle East. Israel is what is right about the Middle East.

Israel fully supports the desire of Arab peoples in our region to live freely. We long for the day when Israel will be one of many real democracies in the Middle East.

Fifteen years ago, I stood at this very podium, and said that democracy must start to take root in the Arab World. Well, it’s begun to take root. This beginning holds the promise of a brilliant future of peace and prosperity. For I believe that a Middle East that is genuinely democratic will be a Middle East truly at peace.

But while we hope and work for the best, we must also recognize that powerful forces oppose this future. They oppose modernity. They oppose democracy. They oppose peace.

Foremost among these forces is Iran. The tyranny in Tehran brutalizes its own people. It supports attacks against American troops in Afghanistan and Iraq. It subjugates Lebanon and Gaza. It sponsors terror worldwide.

When I last stood here, I spoke of the dire consequences of Iran developing nuclear weapons. Now time is running out, and the hinge of history may soon turn. For the greatest danger facing humanity could soon be upon us: A militant Islamic regime armed with nuclear weapons.

Militant Islam threatens the world. It threatens Islam. I have no doubt that it will ultimately be defeated. It will eventually succumb to the forces of freedom and progress. But like other fanaticisms that were doomed to fail, militant Islam could exact a horrific price from all of us before its inevitable demise.

A nuclear-armed Iran would ignite a nuclear arms race in the Middle East. It would give terrorists a nuclear umbrella. It would make the nightmare of nuclear terrorism a clear and present danger throughout the world. I want you to understand what this means. They could put the bomb anywhere. They could put it on a missile. It could be on a container ship in a port, or in a suitcase on a subway.

Now the threat to my country cannot be overstated. Those who dismiss it are sticking their heads in the sand. Less than seven decades after six million Jews were murdered, Iran’s leaders deny the Holocaust of the Jewish people, while calling for the annihilation of the Jewish state.

Leaders who spew such venom, should be banned from every respectable forum on the planet. But there is something that makes the outrage even greater: The lack of outrage. In much of the international community, the calls for our destruction are met with utter silence. It is even worse because there are many who rush to condemn Israel for defending itself against Iran’s terror proxies.

But not you. Not America. You have acted differently. You’ve condemned the Iranian regime for its genocidal aims. You’ve passed tough sanctions against Iran. History will salute you America.

President Obama has said that the United States is determined to prevent Iran from developing nuclear weapons. He successfully led the Security Council to adopt sanctions against Iran. You in Congress passed even tougher sanctions. These words and deeds are vitally important.

Yet the Ayatollah regime briefly suspended its nuclear program only once, in 2003, when it feared the possibility of military action. That same year, Muammar Qadaffi gave up his nuclear weapons program, and for the same reason. The more Iran believes that all options are on the table, the less the chance of confrontation. This is why I ask you to continue to send an unequivocal message: That America will never permit Iran to develop nuclear weapons.

As for Israel, if history has taught the Jewish people anything, it is that we must take calls for our destruction seriously. We are a nation that rose from the ashes of the Holocaust. When we say never again, we mean never again. Israel always reserves the right to defend itself.

My friends, while Israel will be ever vigilant in its defense, we will never give up on our quest for peace. I guess we’ll give it up when we achieve it. Israel wants peace. Israel needs peace. We’ve achieved historic peace agreements with Egypt and Jordan that have held up for decades.

I remember what it was like before we had peace. I was nearly killed in a firefight inside the Suez Canal. I mean that literally. I battled terrorists along both banks of the Jordan River. Too many Israelis have lost loved ones. I know their grief. I lost my brother.

So no one in Israel wants a return to those terrible days. The peace with Egypt and Jordan has long served as an anchor of stability and peace in the heart of the Middle East.

This peace should be bolstered by economic and political support to all those who remain committed to peace.

The peace agreements with Egypt and Jordan are vital. But they’re not enough. We must also find a way to forge a lasting peace with the Palestinians. Two years ago, I publicly committed to a solution of two states for two peoples: A Palestinian state alongside the Jewish state.

I am willing to make painful compromises to achieve this historic peace. As the leader of Israel, it is my responsibility to lead my people to peace.

This is not easy for me. I recognize that in a genuine peace, we will be required to give up parts of the Jewish homeland. In Judea and Samaria, the Jewish people are not foreign occupiers. We are not the British in India. We are not the Belgians in the Congo.

This is the land of our forefathers, the Land of Israel, to which Abraham brought the idea of one God, where David set out to confront Goliath, and where Isaiah saw a vision of eternal peace. No distortion of history can deny the four thousand year old bond, between the Jewish people and the Jewish land.

But there is another truth: The Palestinians share this small land with us. We seek a peace in which they will be neither Israel’s subjects nor its citizens. They should enjoy a national life of dignity as a free, viable and independent people in their own state. They should enjoy a prosperous economy, where their creativity and initiative can flourish.

We’ve already seen the beginnings of what is possible. In the last two years, the Palestinians have begun to build a better life for themselves. Prime Minister Fayad has led this effort. I wish him a speedy recovery from his recent operation.

We’ve helped the Palestinian economy by removing hundreds of barriers and roadblocks to the free flow of goods and people. The results have been nothing short of remarkable. The Palestinian economy is booming. It’s growing by more than 10% a year.

Palestinian cities look very different today than they did just a few years ago. They have shopping malls, movie theaters, restaurants, banks. They even have e-businesses. This is all happening without peace. Imagine what could happen with peace. Peace would herald a new day for both peoples. It would make the dream of a broader Arab-Israeli peace a realistic possibility.

So now here is the question. You have to ask it. If the benefits of peace with the Palestinians are so clear, why has peace eluded us? Because all six Israeli Prime Ministers since the signing of Oslo accords agreed to establish a Palestinian state. Myself included. So why has peace not been achieved? Because so far, the Palestinians have been unwilling to accept a Palestinian state, if it meant accepting a Jewish state alongside it.

You see, our conflict has never been about the establishment of a Palestinian state. It has always been about the existence of the Jewish state. This is what this conflict is about. In 1947, the United Nations voted to partition the land into a Jewish state and an Arab state. The Jews said yes. The Palestinians said no. In recent years, the Palestinians twice refused generous offers by Israeli Prime Ministers, to establish a Palestinian state on virtually all the territory won by Israel in the Six Day War.

They were simply unwilling to end the conflict. And I regret to say this: They continue to educate their children to hate. They continue to name public squares after terrorists. And worst of all, they continue to perpetuate the fantasy that Israel will one day be flooded by the descendants of Palestinian refugees.

My friends, this must come to an end. President Abbas must do what I have done. I stood before my people, and I told you it wasn’t easy for me, and I said, “I will accept a Palestinian state.” It is time for President Abbas to stand before his people and say, “I will accept a Jewish state.”

Those six words will change history. They will make clear to the Palestinians that this conflict must come to an end. That they are not building a state to continue the conflict with Israel, but to end it. They will convince the people of Israel that they have a true partner for peace. With such a partner, the people of Israel will be prepared to make a far reaching compromise. I will be prepared to make a far reaching compromise.

This compromise must reflect the dramatic demographic changes that have occurred since 1967. The vast majority of the 650,000 Israelis who live beyond the 1967 lines, reside in neighborhoods and suburbs of Jerusalem and Greater Tel Aviv.

These areas are densely populated but geographically quite small. Under any realistic peace agreement, these areas, as well as other places of critical strategic and national importance, will be incorporated into the final borders of Israel.

The status of the settlements will be decided only in negotiations. But we must also be honest. So I am saying today something that should be said publicly by anyone serious about peace. In any peace agreement that ends the conflict, some settlements will end up beyond Israel’s borders. The precise delineation of those borders must be negotiated. We will be very generous on the size of a future Palestinian state. But as President Obama said, the border will be different than the one that existed on June 4, 1967. Israel will not return to the indefensible lines of 1967.

We recognize that a Palestinian state must be big enough to be viable, independent and prosperous. President Obama rightly referred to Israel as the homeland of the Jewish people, just as he referred to the future Palestinian state as the homeland of the Palestinian people. Jews from around the world have a right to immigrate to the Jewish state. Palestinians from around the world should have a right to immigrate, if they so choose, to a Palestinian state. This means that the Palestinian refugee problem will be resolved outside the borders of Israel.

As for Jerusalem, only a democratic Israel has protected freedom of worship for all faiths in the city. Jerusalem must never again be divided. Jerusalem must remain the united capital of Israel. I know that this is a difficult issue for Palestinians. But I believe with creativity and goodwill a solution can be found.

This is the peace I plan to forge with a Palestinian partner committed to peace. But you know very well, that in the Middle East, the only peace that will hold is a peace you can defend.

So peace must be anchored in security. In recent years, Israel withdrew from South Lebanon and Gaza. But we didn’t get peace. Instead, we got 12,000 thousand rockets fired from those areas on our cities, on our children, by Hezbollah and Hamas. The UN peacekeepers in Lebanon failed to prevent the smuggling of this weaponry. The European observers in Gaza evaporated overnight.

So if Israel simply walked out of the territories, the flow of weapons into a future Palestinian state would be unchecked. Missiles fired from it could reach virtually every home in Israel in less than a minute. I want you to think about that too. Imagine that right now we all had less than 60 seconds to find shelter from an incoming rocket. Would you live that way? Would anyone live that way? Well, we aren’t going to live that way either.

The truth is that Israel needs unique security arrangements because of its unique size. Israel is one of the smallest countries in the world. Mr Vice President, I’ll grant you this. It’s bigger than Delaware. It’s even bigger than Rhode Island. But that’s about it. Israel on the 1967 lines would be half the width of the Washington Beltway.

Now here’s a bit of nostalgia. I first came to Washington thirty years ago as a young diplomat. It took me a while, but I finally figured it out: There is an America beyond the Beltway. But Israel on the 1967 lines would be only nine miles wide. So much for strategic depth.

So it is therefore absolutely vital for Israel’s security that a Palestinian state be fully demilitarized. And it is vital that Israel maintain a long-term military presence along the Jordan River. Solid security arrangements on the ground are necessary not only to protect the peace, they are necessary to protect Israel in case the peace unravels. For in our unstable region, no one can guarantee that our peace partners today will be there tomorrow.

And when I say tomorrow, I don’t mean some distant time in the future. I mean tomorrow. Peace can be achieved only around the negotiating table. The Palestinian attempt to impose a settlement through the United Nations will not bring peace. It should be forcefully opposed by all those who want to see this conflict end.

I appreciate the President’s clear position on this issue. Peace cannot be imposed. It must be negotiated. But it can only be negotiated with partners committed to peace.

And Hamas is not a partner for peace. Hamas remains committed to Israel’s destruction and to terrorism. They have a charter. That charter not only calls for the obliteration of Israel, but says ‘kill the Jews wherever you find them’. Hamas’ leader condemned the killing of Osama bin Laden and praised him as a holy warrior. Now again I want to make this clear. Israel is prepared to sit down today and negotiate peace with the Palestinian Authority. I believe we can fashion a brilliant future of peace for our children. But Israel will not negotiate with a Palestinian government backed by the Palestinian version of Al Qaeda.

So I say to President Abbas: Tear up your pact with Hamas. Sit down and negotiate. Make peace with the Jewish state. And if you do, I promise you this. Israel will not be the last country to welcome a Palestinian state as a new member of the United Nations. It will be the first to do so.

My friends, the momentous trials of the last century, and the unfolding events of this century, attest to the decisive role of the United States in advancing peace and defending freedom. Providence entrusted the United States to be the guardian of liberty. All peoples who cherish freedom owe a profound debt of gratitude to your great nation. Among the most grateful nations is my nation, the people of Israel, who have fought for their liberty and survival against impossible odds, in ancient and modern times alike.

I speak on behalf of the Jewish people and the Jewish state when I say to you, representatives of America, Thank you. Thank you for your unwavering support for Israel. Thank you for ensuring that the flame of freedom burns bright throughout the world. May God bless all of you. And may God forever bless the United States of America.

Benjamin Netanyahu
Washington, DC
24 May 2011

Copied from the Jerusalem Post website.

North to the Future

An interesting sequence was where Palin and the mother with eight children went to a firing range to practise shooting at bear targets. Just in case. As if their only line of defence was Sarah Palin and the mother with eight children.

The mother with eight children had never handled a firearm and made that fact perfectly clear. She genuinely seemed not to know what the instructor was talking about. But much has been made of Palin’s shooting at wolves from aircraft. Ignoring the fact that hunters generally consider this cowardly and point out that it is what poachers do, it takes a certain level of skill to hit a running animal from a moving aircraft. When Palin was at the firing range she could not hit the side of a bullet with a barn.

Worse than her aim was that she did not know the difference between a cartridge in the magazine or in the chamber. This is a very important safety distinction that everybody should know before they even touch a firearm. Every hunter in the world knows the difference. She also seemed overly concerned about recoil. This is something an experienced hunter would never worry about.

Happy Nakba Day

I’ve endless sympathy for the people of Palestine. They have been used as pawns by so many for so long. Hundreds of thousands of them were displaced when the Ottomans and the British decided to carve up the land. So were hundreds of thousands of Israelis. And I have never seen any Arab group anywhere advocate letting any of those Israelis and their descendants back in.

But Israelis have Israel. Do Arabs have any countries they can call their own? Obviously I’m missing the point. It is not enough to have Palestine, Jordan, Egypt, Syria, Lebanon, Saudi Arabia, Libya, Yemen, Iraq, Kuwait, Bahrain, Morocco, Qatar, Oman, Algeria, Tunisia, Somalia, Sudan, UAE. They are simply incomplete without Israel.

The Big News Stories

On the stranger side of the news, some kind of weird glitch in blogger made it impossible to post. Any time I tried I got this error message: “Illegal post time (format is: hh:mm AM/PM)” even though I always had it set to the proper 24 hour format and not that am/pm nonsense. Changing the time manually and setting it to am/pm did nothing. Then somebody told me that if your language is set to South African English this happens. Even though it has never happened to me before. Changing it to UK English has solved the problem. I’m sure there is some kind of international conspiracy afoot but I haven’t the time just now.

Full Frontal Nudity

I do not call myself a nudist or naturist or clothesfree lifestyle advocate or any of the accepted vernacular. I never use the terms they want me to use. I am antisemantic. But what really annoys the nudist community is my complete disregard for nudist organisations like AANR and TNS. I have never been a member and never will be. This alone means that I cannot be a real nudist according to the true believers. I do not bemoan their existence, and they do good things from time to time. They are a good resource for finding good beaches. But I do not think I should have to join some club to enjoy nature. Nature is free. Other than the fees you have to pay to get in. I do not want to pay money just to say I’m a card carrying member of some group. Especially when I’ve no pockets in which to carry the cards.


My new fully nude avatar.

It Took Off Into the Sky Leaving a Trail of Smoke Behind It

I don’t really understand the Christian obsession with virginity anyway. It seems to be based on the belief that God knocked up a virgin to make a demigod love child. I guess if you are a man and want to be like Jesus then you have to marry a virgin. But they really don’t like the suggestion that Jesus married anybody. It seems to me that if you want to be like Jesus then your mother has to be a virgin. Good luck with that.

The Muslim obsession with virginity makes a lot more sense. It is about power and control. Men can do what they want. Women cannot. It is completely sexist and rooted in a deeply inherent misogyny but it is easier to understand.

But that is why there is chocolate and vanilla. You believe in your rules and I will believe in mine. Fortunately, my rules don’t sentence me to an eternity in hell. Whoever eventually marries me is not getting a delicate, young unblossomed flower. I will be more like a drooping daisy by the time I’m wed. I rarely date anybody who is surprised by my lack of inexperience. I’m 31, I’ve had a few marriage proposals, I’ve dated polyandrously. It would be far more shocking if I were a dainty young thing.

How to Be Famous

The Beatles are unquestionably the most successful musical act in the entire history of the universe. It took years of playing questionable establishments and a lot of record company rejection before they made it big. That is how you did it back then. You played as much as you could wherever you could and your local following developed into a larger following.

Now all you have to do is go on one of the Pop Idol programmes and you are an instant superstar. Never mind the fact that none of the winners of any of those shows has ever become a pop idol. Britney Spears may be more well known for her public behaviour than her music but at least she went through years of auditions and rejections before she got the chance to make her first album. How did Justin Bieber earn his fame? As far as I know he put a video on Youtube and some record producers pushed him through marketing before he ever recorded anything. When did he pay his dues?

George and Ringo said it don’t come easy. They meant that it did not come easy back then.


Really?

Mother Courage

Lassie Come Home, Courage of Lassie, Jane Eyre, The White Cliffs of Dover, National Velvet, Life with Father, Cynthia, A Date with Judy, Julia Misbehaves, Little Women, Conspirator, The Big Hangover, Father of the Bride, Father’s Little Dividend, A Place in the Sun, Quo Vadis, Love is Better Than Ever, The Girl Who Had Everything, Rhapsody, Elephant Walk, Beau Brummell, The Last Time I Saw Paris, Raintree Country, Giant, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, Suddenly Last Summer, Scent of Mystery, Butterfield 8, The Sandpiper, The VIPs, The Taming of the Shrew, Doctor Faustus, Reflections in a Golden Eye, The Comedians, Secret Ceremony, The Only Game in Town, Under Milk Wood, Hammersmith is Out, Divorce His Divorce Hers, Night Watch, Ash Wednesday, Identikit, The Blue Bird, Victory at Entebbe, A Little Night Music, Return Engagement, The Mirror Crack’d, Malice in Wonderland, Young Toscanini, Sweet Bird of Youth, These Old Broads

She was Shakespeare’s Katharina, Christopher Marlowe’s Helen of Troy, Louisa May Alcot’s Amy March, Carson McCullers’ Lenora Penderton, Theodore Dreiser’s Angela Vickers, Dylan Thomas’ Rosie Probert, Agatha Christie’s Marina Rudd, Carrie Fisher’s Beryl Mason [playing a character Debbie Reynolds’ character does not like because they fought over a man a long time ago], Tennessee Williams’ Maggie Pollitt, Tennessee Williams’ Catherine Holly, Tennessee Williams’ Alexandra Del Lago, Rebecca in Ivanhoe, Martha in Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf, Velvet Brown, Kay Banks, Leslie Benedict, Gloria Wandroud, Jimmie Jackson, Louella Parsons, Cleopatra, Maggie Simpson.

She was directed by Vincente Minnelli 3 times, George Stevens 3 times, Richard Brooks 3 times, Mervyn LeRoy twice, Joseph Mankiewicz twice, Michael Curtiz, Stanley Donen, Mike Nichols, John Huston, George Cukor.

She starred with Orson Welles, William Powell, Spencer Tracy, Margaret O’Brien, Joan Fontaine, Irene Dunne, Mickey Rooney, Jane Powell, Walter Pidgeon, Greer Garson, Robert Taylor, Montgomery Clift, Stewart Granger, Ava Gardner, Katherine Hepburn, Marlon Brando, Henry Fonda, Robert Mitchum, Burt Lancaster, Rock Hudson, James Dean, Paul Newman, Rex Harrison, Peter O’Toole, Peter Ustinov, Alec Guinness, Roddy McDowell, Anthony Hopkins, Shirley MacLaine, Jane Fonda, Warren Beatty, Michael Caine, Angela Lansbury, Debbie Reynolds and more often than not Richard Burton.

Tainted Love

While partying, drinking, eating, singing I met up with a friend whom I used to date more than 2 years and 9 months ago. Not that I am keeping count. He was also partying, drinking, eating, singing. His group of partiers, drinkers, eaters, singers met up with my group of partiers, drinkers, eaters, singers and we all partied, drank, ate, sang together. The thing about life is that one thing almost always leads to another and so it did. I don’t want to get into any details but evil, sinful fornication was involved. Dirty, hot, sweaty, evil, sinful fornication. Body parts were aroused and put inside of each other. Repeatedly. Orgasms were contracted by all and fluids from some aroused body parts were thrust into other aroused body parts.

You think love is to pray
But I’m sorry
I don’t pray that way

Ed Cobb

Cook of the House

I grew up in a country with Wimpys and Steers. Junk food is nothing new to me. But it was not something we ate in my family. We spent more time digging in the garden and cooking what we dug up in the kitchen than waiting in the drive thru and sitting on the sofa in front of the TV. I grew up in a time and place where most dinners were cooked at home and eaten as a family. Most people saw junk food as an occasional snack. Today there are millions of people who eat nothing but fast food and frozen dinners.



A wholesome dinner like mother used to thaw.


This is a real thing.


All the essential food groups. Vegetable group [French fries], dairy group [chocolate milk, artificial cheese product], unidentifiable group [hot dog], bread group [hot dog bun], chili group.


The ketchup counts as a vegetable.
If a school fed this to my child I would alert the police.


What American school children call mystery meat.


At least there is corn.

Shaking the Tree

Most countries give preference to educating boys over girls. Sons are far more likely to inherit money, property, titles, power than daughters. Men are the head of the household while women are in charge of cleaning it. Women are far more likely to be victims of domestic violence than men. Too many countries still allow ritual genital mutilation of girls where the clitoris and/or labia are cut out. I know of no country in the world where it is acceptable for boys to have their penises cut off.

Most sexual assaults are by men against women. Men can be raped but it is either very rare or rarely reported. Probably both. Most women who are raped will not report it either. We have a very strange sense of shame on this planet. I think the attacker should be the one who gets all the shame, regardless of his gender or the gender of whomever he attacked.

If you live in a country where something like International Women’s Day is obsolete, as I do, then you are lucky. Most of the women on this planet do not.

My Second First Shidduch Date

Photoshop these two into one and that is Aram.

After our walk and talk we left the park and had an early supper. All went well and I told the shadchan that I am up for another date. I want to be optimistic about it all but I’m too old and too experienced not to be realistic. Could he be my bashert? I have no earthly idea. It seems unlikely. China is nice but it was only a few years of our lives. And I will stop feeling guilty about the car accident as soon as he does something stupid or pisses me off. Or next week. Whichever comes first. It is not like it was my fault.

My First Shidduch Date

I was told before the date that Aram is 38 years old, an urban planner, never married, no children of course. That is how I was told. “No children, of course.” I resisted the urge to point out that you can have children without ever being married. I had a vague idea of what an urban planner does but I’m no expert on the subject. At least we would have something to talk about for a few minutes. I’ve never met a man who does not want to educate people about what his job is really like as opposed to what people think it is like.

I was very specifically not told what Aram looks like. This is usually an enormous warning sign. But the shadchan explained that God wants us to merely look upon outward appearance as decoration. That is an even bigger warning. This guy must be ass to mouth ugly. But then I realised that the shadchan probably was not telling Aram what I looked like either. He was probably only told my age, job, never married, no children of course.

And Now a Brief Interruption in the Woe is Mia Show for a Clarification

I seem to have caused some confusion with the picture caption “Swimming naked as the day is short” accompanied by a picture where I am clearly not swimming and appear to have some kind of blue thing covering my naked. This is true. I was not swimming at the exact moment that particular picture was taken. However, the obviously wet hair and all that blue watery stuff in the background should be enough to lead the viewer to assume that swimming had recently taken place. The blue thing in the bottom corner is a towel. It is indeed covering my naked. It is also drying all the watery stuff on the naked. The uncropped version looks something like this:



All three of the posted pictures are cropped because I am thinking about changing my profile picture. What I have now has been up for a while and the picture itself is several years older. I highly doubt that I shall find a husband from blogging but I might as well put up a better face shot as long as I am at the market.

I’ve no idea who did the poster behind me in the first picture. It is not mine and I cannot remember seeing anything on the print. I would guess Edward Hopper. I’m probably not naked in that picture either.

A Girl Can Get Burnt Playing with Matches

My favourite aspect of the shidduch is that I can completely avoid all the messy parts of dating. I am not very good at rejecting people. I’ve never perfected a good “that was fun but I would rather never see your face again” speech. The shidduch takes care of all that. After the first date you are supposed to tell the shadchan whether you want a second date or not. He then tells the other person. All of that when will he call me, why didn’t he call me bullshit is gone. The shadchan lets everybody know where they stand and nobody has to deal with any confrontations. I used to call it dating for cowards. The shadchan remains the intermediary until both people mutually decide that he is no longer needed. Usually a proposal soon follows since the goal of Jewish dating is marriage. Supposedly.