Letters to Friends: December 2009

31 December 2009

This Is What It Sounds Like When Swine Fly

I was in China at the end of SARS. I boldly walked maskless while everybody around me was covered. I have walked the townships of South Africa at the height of HIV. I have been to more than a few places where malaria is carried by mosquitos the size of bowling balls. At least they seem that big sometimes. I was in Indonesia during a dengue fever outbreak. Only I did not know it at the time. None of it ever touched me.

It was a treif flu that finally got me. When the media was blowing it all out of proportion I thought they were blowing it all out of proportion. It was not until all the hype died down and people started to relax about it that it came for me. Would I have got it if people remained paranoid? Probably.

25 December 2009

Passport to Israel

22 December 2009

Why I’m Not a Snob

By the time I went to university I was a movie junkie. I felt empty if I did not see at least two or three movies a week. I never really cared about genres but at this point I preferred surreal comedies. While some of my friends and every nerd on the planet could quote Life of Brian I was quoting The Meaning of Life. I was proud of my imitation of the machine that goes ping.

I always defended Mel Brooks up until Men in Tights and was very familiar with all of Woody Allen’s “early funny” movies. I was just getting into the Coen brothers. Fargo was the first movie I saw in an American cinema.

19 December 2009

Cooking Corner: Chunks of Heaven

Cook the lot for about 45 minutes. Put some in a dish, take a picture of it, write a blog.

16 December 2009

Can You Spell Irony?

Some people in Israel’s government are upset by all this. The majority party is taking it personally even though Livni is leader of the opposition. We will bicker no end during an election but stand united when the pommies start a row.

15 December 2009

So You Want to Be a Porn Star

The Cindy I knew was not the type of person you would expect to enter the porn business. She could have been voted most likely to become a librarian. But then again what are porn stars like when younger? They are not born with breast implants and bleached hair. I don’t know much about the lives of any of them but I do know at least one has a doctorate degree in math or chemistry or something you can’t just slide through. I am not willing to push them all into stereotypes. Cindy was certainly never vapid or shallow. She was as smart as anybody and would have easily graduated had she stayed in school. I don’t know if she ever went back. That is another thing for us to talk about when she visits.

11 December 2009

Passport to Thailand

08 December 2009

Talking Points

The robots on the commentary programme listed their usual diatribe without much thought for logic and reason and everybody enjoyed themselves for some reason. A life well spent I suppose. Later that day my friend-in-law decided to grace us all with his divine wisdom. He repeated what one of the robots said earlier almost verbatim.

It all made sense. My friend-in-law sounded like somebody who could write for one of those programmes because he got all of his material from just such people. Every diatribe where he enlightened the rest of us weaker minds probably came from some other self appointed expert. But at least they were being obnoxious for a reason. That is their job. My friend-in-law does it for free.