Blame It On Rio

If you live on this planet you have probably heard that Rio de Janeiro will be hosting the Olympics in 2016. If you live on another planet I hope that I am not your only source of information about us. I cannot handle that responsibility. But maybe reading me would give you better insight into humans than watching TV. Especially Pop Idol. That one would instigate the invasion for sure.

I can’t tell you how cross I would be if I was an intergalactic slave working at the human organ mining colony because of crap TV. But if you are learning about us from the internet then you should probably know that we are not all that angry or watch that much porn.

Dogs: Chewing everything and howling at the moon.
Cats: String and looking at you with contempt.
Humans: Porn and angry rants.

Young Turks

My generation had it easier. AIDS was a gay disease and the internet was just getting started. We had grainy digital cameras to take pictures we would be embarrassed about later but we did not have to worry about everybody around us having high quality cameras in their phones. Nothing indecorous was posted online in seconds for all our friends to see. We did not even have mobile phones without cameras.

My mother’s generation had it the easiest. No AIDS at all. Anything they contracted could be fixed with a simple injection. Their most embarrassing moments were only recorded in their minds. Drugs were freely available without stigma. And they were not likely to kill you. They also had much better music. You had to pay for it back then but it was worth it.

Knife in the Water

But Polanski did a horrible thing. I don’t think I am a judgemental person and I rarely condemn celebrities for their scandals, but I’m comfortable saying that what he did was completely wrong in every way. He drugged and raped a child very much against her consent. Her forgiving him does not change the nature of his horrible crimes. It has been pointed out that nobody else has ever accused him of such a thing. This was apparently a single incident. But it was still a terrible thing to do. He was experienced enough and smart enough to know better.

Why Xenophobia Is Stupid

Chinese dogs bark funny and are bullies to their neighbour dogs. And there are simply too many of them. But they make good kibble and they all know kung fu.

American dogs are loud and complain too much whenever they visit another dog’s territory. They are too lazy to step away from the TV but want to control the world.

Jewish dogs control the world’s supply of bones and they all have large snouts. And they never share with any goy dogs.

Muslim dogs will bite you. Count on it. They think if they bite you they will be rewarded with 72 bitches in Valhowla.

Gay dogs love shopping and wearing girl collars. All of them will try to hump your leg. But they can pick out the best doggie sweaters and can help you decorate your doghouse.

Lesbian dogs love welding and wearing boy collars. All of them hate male dogs. But they are fun to watch when they get oiled up and lick each other’s tails.

More Brilliant Protest Signs

Is Obama also illitrte?

Which one do you think has more sex?

Shave now, communist infidel!

Anything I say would just be a cheap shot.

I do not want to know what is going on in that town.

Please don’t.

He left his BREATHE AIR sign at home.

And Mormons.
I am surprised that God hates sports.

Somebody needs to tell these people that a good protest sign should be succinct.
The witch hats add a nice historical touch.

More bible quotes.

What about mango?

Probably not a lot of teabagging at their house.

Sometimes irony gets lost in translation.

I would like to know exactly what this protest was about.

I guess he is not a compassionate conservative.

What does he have against Jennifer Aniston?

I hope this is one of those joke signs.

I would love to see this at any political rally.

Well said.

Better Dead Than Red

Then there’s this guy. He is being lauded and vilified for calling his president a liar. And now he is famous for it. I had never heard of him before. Had you?

Obama has been called a lot of things. The reason this is getting attention is because it happened in Congress. Is this really the first time somebody in Congress has been rude to the American president? I think somebody in the Knesset has called every Israeli PM a liar. Have you ever watched the British Parliament? They act like teenagers debating their favourite video games.

Happy New Year

Rosh Hashanah ended at sunset. Now we’re in the Yamim Noraim, ending with Yom Kippur.

Baruch atah Adonai, Eloheinu, melekh ha'olam shehecheyanu v'kiyimanu v'higi'anu laz'man hazeh.

L'shanah tovah tikatev v'taihatem.

Baruch hu uvaruch shemo.

There’s No Place Like Home

Another factor is stability. My current job is not going anywhere. In some ways my position is more valuable than it has been in years. We have updated some training procedures since Gaza and we are doing more damage control than ever before. And even if they eliminated my department altogether they would still keep me on. There is absolutely no stability in a small tourist company. Now is not the best time to face unemployment.

Interview With the Vampire

I would have to move to Jerusalem. There are advantages to living there, mostly family. But I like Tel Aviv for a variety of reasons. This is usually described as the most liberal city in the country. It has a more international influence and foreign products are available everywhere. There is a nice combination of old world and modern architecture. We have arguably the best bakery in the country. If not the best then easily the most famous. It is on the water. I’ve spent most of my life on an ocean, sea, or at least near a large river. And the men here are less traditional. Around here that means fewer men who think of women the way they did 1000 years ago. I am all for halakha in moderation but I’m not secluding myself to some hut once a month just because Moses could not handle Zipporah’s PMS.

Black, White, Green, Red, Pink, Brown, Yellow, Orange and Blue

Not every bad encounter with a white person constitutes racism
By May Akabogu-Collins

Vista, Calif. – I was about to kick my white neighbor out of my house. Then the memory of my dad's voice intercepted me.

In 1980, when I was coming to America from Nigeria to attend grad school, my father told me, "Not every unpleasant encounter with a Caucasian constitutes racism. It might just be ignorance – stupidity, in fact."

When I arrived at the University of Southern California, the dynamics of black-white politics were still alien. That first semester, I received the highest score on a test. As he handed back my paper, the professor publicly announced, : "You surprised me; I kept slowing down for you, thinking you were lost." A compliment, I thought. 

"An insult," said a classmate later. "The professor had presumed you were dumb because you're black." I wasn't convinced. But events moved on. Sometimes preposterously.

A year later, I was walking back to my hotel room in Baltimore when another hotel guest stuck her head out her room and addressed me: "I need extra soap and a towel." I smiled and replied, "Me, too." At that point, she flushed and disappeared. I chalked it up to rational discrimination. 

Soon after grad school, I arrived at a college for an interview and introduced myself as "Dr. Collins." The secretary replied, "And I'm the president." She later apologized profusely, adding, "You look too young to be a PhD." "It's the melanin," I deadpanned, adding with a wink, "Black don't crack." She cracked up. 

Never having been a target of old-fashioned, explicit racism, I still couldn't distinguish between imaginary and real racism. That changed when my sister and I entered a video store in Korea Town in Los Angeles. We were excited to find the Eddie Murphy comedy, "Coming to America." The clerk, without batting an eye, announced unequivocally, "Only Koreans." That was the turning point in my assimilation to my new environment. 

For the first time, I felt the frustration of being black in America. "It's an Asian thing," a friend explained later. "They tend to be clannish." For a while I shunned Asians – and consorted with Caucasians. 

In Africa we attended the same schools as the Caucasians. There was no built-up animosity and, I suppose, the Caucasians in West Africa never had a reason to draw racial lines or feel superior. Hence, I had no self-consciousness among Caucasians. The O.J. Simpson verdict in 1995, however, changed all that.

I was the only black professor at a small college in Pennsylvania. When I heard my all-white colleagues denouncing the verdict at the department lounge, I stepped outside my office to join them. The lounge immediately went silent. Everyone froze, like a still frame in a movie, and the tableau resonated with the unspoken, "You're black, therefore..." I spun on my heel and fled campus. 

I'd spent 15 years in America resisting racializing my feelings, but that incident at the faculty lounge gave me a new pair of glasses. 

In San Diego 10 years later, as I was walking my dogs (Akitas) one Monday morning, I encountered an elderly white woman. "They are absolutely gorgeous!" she declared. Before I could thank her, she added, "Are they yours?" 

Here's the thing: After 25 years in America, as such encounters accumulate, subconsciously, resentments also accumulate. "Fat chance," I replied, "I'm dog-sitting for a rich white family." And I strode away wondering if I was becoming racially paranoid. 

I was still wondering that when my white neighbor knocked on my door that same day. She was having an off day, so she took the day off and came over to vent. "It's like," she began, tears welling. "How can I put it? I feel like I've little black people inside my stomach." 

Huh? I'd had three little black people inside my belly and those were the happiest months of my life. So what could I say?

"What do you mean?"

A litany of woes ensued: hubby's worsening Alzheimer's, facing foreclosure, teenage turmoil – my mind strayed.

Black market, black sheep, Black October, Black Sunday, black Monday, black weekend, the blackest day in history (9/11). Granted, those held no racial connotations – they were just terms for bad things. 

People having a bad day often say they're having a black day. But little black people in her stomach? Why, that's racist! I should just kick her out, I thought. Then I heard my father's voice: "It might just be ignorance...." 

"Hel-lo-o?" my neighbor reeled in my attention. "Yeah, I'm listening," I said. 

She continued, but my mind kept wandering: Had I just been insulted? Should I demand an apology at least? Or was I becoming one of those "overly sensitive blacks" – you know, the ones who criticized David Howard, a former Washington, D.C., mayoral aide, for saying "niggardly" (which means "miserly") at a budget discussion in 1999? 

I still can't, be certain, of course. And I'm still not convinced that kicking my neighbor out would've been wrong. Yet, I'm bothered that my feelings are now colored by race. 

I now empathize with blacks born here who, due to the country's history, are sensitive to these issues. But at the same time, I sympathize with the uninformed whites who must watch their language lest they inadvertently offend our sensibilities. 

That's where America is. And until whites make the extra effort to understand the source of "black rage," that's where America will remain. 

Why didn't I approach my neighbor later to tell her that I felt insulted by her metaphor? 

I was afraid she would consider me "overly sensitive," and that it might cause a strain between us. Race discussion is uncomfortable. And that's exactly the problem in America – the lack of trust between blacks and whites and hence the inability to engage in an open and frank discussion about the causes and effects of racism that can clarify our different reactions to the same racial landscape. 

As President Obama has said, for America to progress, both blacks and whites must listen to one another with an open mind. Only then can we understand where the other is coming from. Yet it has to come from our hearts. And that requires mutual trust. 

Blacks must be able to talk to whites about their fears and resentments without presuming that whites would consider them racially paranoid. 

Whites must trust that blacks won't label them racists for expressing their frustrations. This is the way toward a more racially tolerant America. And in order to get there, we must be open with ourselves and compassionate with others. 

Until then, these incidents will proceed with black – oops – bleak predictability: Ignorant white says something racially insensitive. Sensitive Negroes overreact. And we're all tired of that broken record.

e-friends

`Don't post that!' — networking etiquette emerges
By BARBARA ORTUTAY, AP Technology Writer

Stephanie Kahn wanted to bask in her engagement for a few hours before diving into the task of calling aunts, uncles and good friends with the big news. And even before she could call them, she had a surprise party to attend, one that her fiance had set up for their parents and her "closest group of girlfriends."

That party was when Kahn lost control of her news. Some of the guests took photos and were "uploading them on Facebook before I could even post anything," Kahn said from Smyrna, Ga., where she lives. "Of course the next morning I get a couple of calls, text messages from people I didn't call. They found out on Facebook. I think some people were a little upset."

In an age in which instant news and constant life streams from Facebook and Twitter change the way we communicate, the rules of etiquette surrounding these interactions are still evolving.

What happens when I expected a phone call about something and read about it in a status update instead? What's the polite response to a distant friend posting bad news on Facebook? What to do with sensitive information?

Making matters trickier, good etiquette on Facebook might not apply on Twitter or in an e-mail. These days, milestones like marriage, pregnancy, breakups and divorce are being described over more forms of communications than ever.

Online social networks haven't been around long enough to develop hard and fast etiquette rules, but general guidance is emerging. Just as most people learned that it's annoying to yell on a cell phone in public or to hit "reply all" when responding to just one person in a mass e-mail, social media-savvy folks are finding it's unwise to, say, post unflattering images of friends without their consent.

A decade or two ago, communicating important news electronically rather than in a letter was frowned upon. Now an e-mail is considered acceptable for many situations, but even people comfortable with that might draw the line at social networks, which feel more like public or semipublic venues.

After all, the average person has 120 "friends" on Facebook, according to the company. In real life, the average North American has about three very close friends and 20 people they are pretty close to, said Barry Wellman, a sociologist at the University of Toronto. This means people may sometimes forget just who is reading their status updates, and can let their guard down.

"The word Facebook uses, `friend,' of course isn't true," Wellman said. "Many people Facebook calls friends are not friends but maybe acquaintances or former friends."

Facebook has done some studies on how people decide what information they share and how to share it. In one, Cameron Marlow, a research scientist at Facebook, explored with his team what tends to dictate the number of photos that people upload on the site. It turns out the number wasn't based on how many of their friends showed approval for the photos by clicking that they liked them, or how many comments were left on each.

"Rather, it was based on how many photos your friends uploaded," he said. "Social norms are constantly being developed based on what friends do."

Another One Bites the Dust

What upset me were the demands he made when I came back. From now on I am to give him advance notice whenever I leave town without him. Or so he said. That was never going to happen. I go where the wind takes me. Free as a bird. Maybe not, but I’m nobody’s property and I will leave town whenever I please.

Dalai 你好

The People’s Republic of China, which we shall call China because that’s what it is called, is ruled by a single party. Not a democracy by any definition but getting more capitalist every day. The Republic of China, which we shall call Taiwan to avoid too much confusion, is ruled by a mostly two party system. It is a genuine democracy and very much capitalist. China, the real China, used to be the Republic of China and ruled over China and Taiwan. When Taiwan was not ruled by Japan. We shall just call Japan Japan.

When China became the People’s Republic of China, Taiwan became the Republic of China. The People’s Republic of China claimed ownership of the Republic of China while the Republic of China claimed ownership of the People’s Republic of China. Eventually Taiwan dropped that claim. With China’s nuclear weapons and the largest military in the world Taiwan realised it was never going to happen. Now half of Taiwanese want an eventual reunification with China if there is ever a less totalitarian government in China and the other half want recognised independence. This is the main difference between the two parties in Taiwan. And you thought your country’s politics were divisive.

Cast Aweigh Some More

When I got home I took a long hot bath. I did not have any fresh food in the kitchen so I had dinner delivered. I might have ordered one of everything. As long as it didn’t have mustard.

My bed never felt more comfortable. It was nice to sleep without worrying if I gathered enough tinder.

And I thank God for indoor plumbing.

Cast Aweigh

I determined the first thing I should do was find water. There was plenty of vegetation but I could not find any surface water. I dug in next to some especially green grass and found plenty of groundwater but it tasted salty, probably from a mineral bed or seawater intrusion. I eventually noticed some moisture on a large rock. I could have used a thread from the suture kit or a lace from my boot to collect the water and filter it into my canteen but that would have taken all day. I was wearing thermal underwear that I needed to take off anyway since it was too hot. I spread the top half against the wettest part of the rock. My reasoning for using the top was that it spread out more to cover more of the rock. By saving the bottoms I would at least have half at night. And if it was still too cold I could always dry the tops at the fire. Assuming I could make one. In about an hour the underwear was wet enough to wring water into the canteen.

American Idol

Obama to launch PR campaign to sway Israelis, Arabs on peace 
By Barak Ravid, Haaretz

In light of the difficulties it has encountered in advancing the diplomatic process in the Middle East, the Obama administration plans on launching a public relations blitz in Israel and the Arab states. 

The New York Times reported on Monday that President Barack Obama plans to grant a number of interviews to Israeli and Arab television stations as part of his campaign to sway public opinion in the region in favor of his vision for peace. 

Good luck with that.

The Birthday Babysitting Orgy Club and Rhythm Revue

The orgy scenes in the DVD we saw were not digitally censored. But the music was censored. Some morally outraged Hindu groups complained that the music during the orgy sequence was a Hindu prayer even though it was not. Either they don’t recognise their own prayers or they never saw the movie. I’m guessing that just like every other morally outraged religious group that complains about a movie, they never saw it.

So while what we saw was Kubrick’s vision, what we heard was not. For all the controversy around this movie before and after it was released what they changed was the music. Stanley Kubrick is probably in that great orgy in the sky laughing about it all.

Natural Disasters

Israel is prone to earthquakes but there has not been a noteworthy one since before my grandmother’s grandmother was born. People still mention that it completely destroyed the Jewish side of town while the Muslim side had only minor damage. Further proof that we are the Chosen People, I suppose.

We can’t have typhoons. Tsunamis are unlikely. Parts of the country are prone to sandstorms, but not where I live. This might be the safest place I have ever lived. Discounting rocket attacks.

True Israelis

My favourite part of the report was that almost everybody polled thought freedom of speech was essential and applies to everybody equally but “harsh criticism” against Israel should be prohibited. There goes my Russian Israeli readership.

The Killing Fields

New York woman arrested over strangling death of Holocaust survivor 
By The Associated Press

A New York City woman has been accused of strangling an 89-year-old man who survived the Holocaust after being sent to Auschwitz. 

Guido Felix Brinkmann, who used to run a nightclub in New York, was found in his bed with his hands bound Thursday. He had been asphyxiated. 

Investigators said he regularly invited younger women to his apartment for sex. Brinkmann's doorman told police a man and a woman went to the home the night before his body was found. The two were later seen in Brinkmann's car.

Brinkmann was the former owner of a nightclub called Adam's Apple. 

Angela Murray, 30, of New York, was arraigned Sunday on murder and robbery charges. Her male companion was being sought.

From another article:

The story of Felix Brinkmann is a long one, full of trials and triumphs, and one far more worthy of telling. Originally from Latvia, Guido Felix Brinkmann spent time in the World War II Nazi concentration camps of Mauthausen, Ebensee and Auschwitz. Scheduled to die in the gas chamber five separate times, Felix Brinkman was fluent in German, using his verbal prowess to talk his way out of a death sentence. 

When the war ended, Felix Brinkmann was crossing a bridge in Germany when he was stopped by a Russian guard. Speaking Russian, Brinkmann explained that his entire family had been killed in the concentration camps. Another man attempted to cross the bridge and was found to have been an SS soldier, one of Hitler's elite. The Russian guard handed his machine gun to Brinkmann and told him to kill the man, but Brinkmann refused, handing the gun back. The Russian killed the German soldier.

After the war, he was shocked to find that his wife had also survived the Nazi concentration camp at Auschwitz. According to Rick Brinkman, the Holocaust survivor amazingly found his wife alive in Poland. Reunited, they immigrated to America. Felix Brinkmann would then begin years of service in the New York bar and nightclub business. At one time he co-owned the popular Adam's Apple disco, where, according to the New York Post, he was pistol-whipped by three men after closing when they attempted to rob him. The thieves got nothing. 

Rick Brinkman said that his father told him the last time he visited him: "I feel I had a fortunate life. Even going through the three concentration camps, I somehow was able to make the best out of the worst. I never would have thought growing up as a boy in Riga, Latvia that I would end up in the greatest city, in the greatest country in the world."