This Is What It Sounds Like When Swine Fly

I was in China at the end of SARS. I boldly walked maskless while everybody around me was covered. I have walked the townships of South Africa at the height of HIV. I have been to more than a few places where malaria is carried by mosquitos the size of bowling balls. At least they seem that big sometimes. I was in Indonesia during a dengue fever outbreak. Only I did not know it at the time. None of it ever touched me.

It was a treif flu that finally got me. When the media was blowing it all out of proportion I thought they were blowing it all out of proportion. It was not until all the hype died down and people started to relax about it that it came for me. Would I have got it if people remained paranoid? Probably.

Passport to Israel

Why I’m Not a Snob

By the time I went to university I was a movie junkie. I felt empty if I did not see at least two or three movies a week. I never really cared about genres but at this point I preferred surreal comedies. While some of my friends and every nerd on the planet could quote Life of Brian I was quoting The Meaning of Life. I was proud of my imitation of the machine that goes ping.

I always defended Mel Brooks up until Men in Tights and was very familiar with all of Woody Allen’s “early funny” movies. I was just getting into the Coen brothers. Fargo was the first movie I saw in an American cinema.

Cooking Corner: Chunks of Heaven

Cook the lot for about 45 minutes. Put some in a dish, take a picture of it, write a blog.

Can You Spell Irony?

Some people in Israel’s government are upset by all this. The majority party is taking it personally even though Livni is leader of the opposition. We will bicker no end during an election but stand united when the pommies start a row.

So You Want to Be a Porn Star

The Cindy I knew was not the type of person you would expect to enter the porn business. She could have been voted most likely to become a librarian. But then again what are porn stars like when younger? They are not born with breast implants and bleached hair. I don’t know much about the lives of any of them but I do know at least one has a doctorate degree in math or chemistry or something you can’t just slide through. I am not willing to push them all into stereotypes. Cindy was certainly never vapid or shallow. She was as smart as anybody and would have easily graduated had she stayed in school. I don’t know if she ever went back. That is another thing for us to talk about when she visits.

Passport to Thailand

Talking Points

The robots on the commentary programme listed their usual diatribe without much thought for logic and reason and everybody enjoyed themselves for some reason. A life well spent I suppose. Later that day my friend-in-law decided to grace us all with his divine wisdom. He repeated what one of the robots said earlier almost verbatim.

It all made sense. My friend-in-law sounded like somebody who could write for one of those programmes because he got all of his material from just such people. Every diatribe where he enlightened the rest of us weaker minds probably came from some other self appointed expert. But at least they were being obnoxious for a reason. That is their job. My friend-in-law does it for free.  

How to Twitter, part XX

But I’m still not going to use Twitter.

How to Twitter, part XIX

… readership but that’s all I can do for you. I guess it can’t hurt.

Let me know if you want me to list your blog and I’ll give you some free advertising.

How to Twitter, part XVII

… several reasons. Now that I’ve seen blogs I liked disappear I’m not so sure. Other blogs have mine listed. It’s only fair to do the same. I’m not sure you’ll increase your …

How to Twitter, part XVII

… even if nobody was reading but I may never know.

I’ve been asked by a few people to list their blogs on my blog. I’ve said previously that I’d probably never do that for …

How to Twitter, part XVI

… reads my blog. So even without any followers or comments I know somebody’s reading whatever I type. I’d like to think I’d keep blogging as long as I had something to say …

How to Twitter, part XV

… of appreciation for whatever they’d read. Typing a happy face isn’t laziness. Lazy is not leaving any comment at all.

I’ve the luxury of knowing that most of my family …

How to Twitter, part XIV

… to the discussion at hand. I disagree. The person who typed LOL was giving you positive feedback. It wasn’t a thorough dissertation on the topic. It was a simple show …

How to Twitter, part XIII

… comments. He pointed out that one comment was simply “LOL”. His opinion was that you shouldn’t comment unless you have something substantial to add …

How to Twitter, part XII

… to think everybody agrees with me. People want validation. We all want a pat on the back here and there.

I was reading a blog where the author complained about short …

How to Twitter, part XI

… that happen. I think if you have a blog you should say whatever it is you have to say no matter how many people are reading it. But I’m not stupid enough …

How to Twitter, part X

… anything.

Then there are the blogs that stop because the authors think nobody’s interested. I’ve seen a few interesting blogs end due to lack of interest. I hate to see …

How to Twitter, part IX

… becoming a follower of his blog but I didn’t want to break the consistency. I want him to know that somebody’s reading it but at the same time I don’t want him to change …

How to Twitter, part VIII

… have any comments. But that hasn’t stopped the author. He obviously cares about what he’s writing about whether anybody’s reading it or not. I’ve thought about …

How to Twitter, part VII

… all those followers. But if they clicked your blog in the first place they must have been interested.

One of my favourite blogs has no followers and none of the posts …

How to Twitter, part VI

… blogs turn to trash once they acquired a higher number of followers. The author stops being creative and starts pandering. I guess it’s fear of losing…

How to Twitter, part V

It makes sense that if you have something to say you’d want somebody to read it. That’s where followers come in.

I think they can be good and bad. I’ve seen interesting …

How to Twitter, part IV

I’ve also been critical of the followers concept in blogs. Blogs are a good place if you have something to say. There’s no space restriction as far as I can tell.  

How to Twitter, part III

… to connect with people. If you have nothing to say then what’s the point? And if you have something to say then Twitter isn’t the best place.

How to Twitter, part II

… popularity contest without any winners. If there’s a prize I’d like to know what it is. I’ve nothing against networking but there’s usually a reason you’re trying…

How to Twitter, part I

I’ve mentioned before that I don’t like Twitter. One of the reasons is because it’s primary purpose seems to be collecting so-called friends. It’s like an online…

Passport to China Again

Mark Your Calendar

Today’s random thought: If Mayans were so good at predictions why did they not see the Spanish coming?

Giving Thanks

I have been to a few Thanksgiving dinners and it always reminds me of many of our festivals. Pray, eat, recover. And there is always more than enough food left for tomorrow. I especially like the pumpkin pie. That might be America’s greatest contribution to world cuisine. Pumpkin pie and chocolate chip cookies. They can invade everybody and pretend to be the world’s police as long as they keep making pumpkin pie.

Passport to Korea

Play Ball

Now we know who will be playing.

South Afrika
Ghana
Côte d'Ivoire
Nigeria
Cameroon
Algeria
Brazil
Paraguay
Chile
Argentina
Uruguay
Australia
Japan
South Korea
North Korea
New Zealand
Mexico
USA
Honduras
Netherlands
Spain
England
Italy
Germany
Denmark
Serbia
Switzerland
Slovakia
Greece
France
Slovenia
Portugal

Passport to Indonesia

Medium of Peace

I don’t think these people deserve the attention they are getting. They are not credible threats. Queen Elizabeth shall not be converting to Islam in the near future. German trains will remain as efficient as ever. If New York explodes it will be because of Wall Street, not wasat. The only reason they are getting any attention at all is because they are making all their noise in the West. Meaning the proper Christian countries. You never hear about tiny fringe groups threatening to bomb shops in Indonesia.


Mainstream Christian recruitment or fringe extremist group?

Be afraid. Be very afraid

Passport to Japan

Passport to China

Places I’ll Remember All My Life

I don’t normally get nostalgic when government documents expire but when I passed through the pages of this passport I saw all of those stamps and visas. There are a lot of memories to go with each stamp. I don’t generally collect memorabilia. I never keep ticket stubs or packets. The only souvenirs I buy on trips are for other people. You will not find many chotchkies around my house. Usually the only reminders I have of trips are pictures, memories and all of those stamps on my passport.

Rest in peace, tiny book of stamps.


RIP

[Updated occasionally]

China
Japan
Indonesia
Korea
China again
Thailand
Israel
Cambodia
Hong Kong
Maldives

The Illusion of Freedom

Just look at a teenager’s to do list: 

Go to school
Hang out
Talk on the phone
Try to get laid


Just look at an adult’s to do list: 

Wake up the husband
Wake up the children
Wake up the husband again
Make breakfast for people who always want something else
Take children to school
Take husband to work because his driver’s licence was revoked
Go to work and hope a natural disaster closes the place down that day
Take son to ballet class
Take daughter to football practice
Retrieve husband’s shirt that he stained when he got drunk at the office party from the cleaners
Retrieve the car from the shop after somebody hit it because they were too stressed to pay attention
Go to the gynecologist
Go to the dentist
Go to the oncologist
Go to the proctologist
Go to the psychiatrist
Do all the grocery shopping for a house full of people
Retrieve son from ballet class
Retrieve daughter from football practice
Retrieve husband from his dead-end job 
Make dinner that nobody appreciates
Pay whichever bills have the highest interest rates/late penalties
Fall asleep at 9pm because you’re too exhausted to stay awake and balance the bankbook

Was That It?

I think his family is right. Jackson went to extreme lengths to create his Wacko Jacko image. If he wanted to be seen as a dedicated professional with a sense of humour who cares about things besides private zoos and Elephant Man bones he had ample opportunity to do so while he was alive. This movie is damaging a carefully constructed image of the side show freak he wanted us to think he was.