Reunited (And It Feels So Good)

Not quite that long ago.

 

Before weblogs and typing messages on Star Trek communicator pads I was a total chat room whore. At university I kept uncivilised hours and associated with ne’er-do-wells so chat rooms were perfect for me. I spent too much time in questionable rooms with people I hardly knew. Online as well. I had no company loyalty and jumped around from one server to the next. I guess Yahoo did not have chat rooms. But the largest company and the one with the most rooms by far was AOL. Anybody older than my nephew should remember a time when AOL dominated the internet. That guy saying you’ve got mail became so iconic that Nora Ephron made a movie about it.


 


 


 

Passport to Hong Kong

What Happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas

The highlight of the trip as far as shows we had to pay to see rather than those involving us was George Carlin. This was when he was working in Las Vegas regularly and before he got fired for yelling at an audience while pissed. We stayed at the brand new Bellagio and everybody else wanted to see the Cirque du Soleil show. I wanted to see George. I’ve nothing against French mimes dancing in water per se but George Carlin was a very funny man.

Reminds me of something my grandfather would say. He’d say I’m going upstairs to fuck your grandmother. He was an honest man and he wasn’t going to bullshit a four-year-old.

Pictures by Cindy

Another thing I’m getting tired of is when after six policemen stick a floor lamp up some black guy’s ass the police department announces they’re going to have sensitivity training. If you need special training to be told not to jam a large cumbersome object up someone else’s asshole maybe you’re too fucked up to be on the police force in the first place.

Baby What a Big Surprise

They went to all of the right doctors who told them there is no conceivable reason they should not be able to get pregnant. They said her lady parts seem to be working and his sperm are “ordinary”. I’m not sure that is what any man wants to hear but it is good news. None of this explained why they were not getting pregnant but it all meant that they would not have to take an array of fertility drugs and have multiple fertilised eggs implanted in her uterus. They want one or two babies, not eight.

Orgies, Architecture and Hardcore Pornography

Despite their very different religious persuasions, political opinions and double penetration preferences Cindy and Raul got on well. She is a very likable person with that golden hair colour that makes you hate Californians and breasts you can’t help but notice. And no they are not real. Unless they grew several cup sizes after university. To Raul’s credit he can talk all day to people he completely disagrees with without sounding like an arrogant jerk and he is not painful to look at. I think they would make a nice looking baby but that was never going to happen. Some things I simply do not share. I am all for polyandry but polygyny is unacceptable. It has been pointed out to me that my view here is a little hypocritical but I think that most men cannot handle one woman let alone two or more. Women are better at multitasking.

Quoth the Faith Healer

Something happened a long time ago in Haiti and, uh, people might not want to talk about it. They were under the heel of the French, uh, you know Napoleon the Third or whatever, and they got together and swore a pact to the Devil. They said, “We will serve you if you’ll get us free from the French.” True story. And so the Devil said, “Ok. It’s a deal”. And, uh, they kicked the French out of, you know, the Haitians revolted and got themselves free. But ever since they have been cursed by by one thing after the other. Desperately poor. That island of Hispaniola is one island. It’s cut down the middle. On the one side is Haiti. On the other side is the Dominican Republic. Dominican Republic is is prosperous, healthy, full of resource, etc. Haiti is in desperate poverty. Same island. Uh, they need to have and we need to pray for them a great turning to God and out of this tragedy I’m optimistic something good may come.

--Marion Robertson

Haiti

I suppose it is good that the Haitians are getting so much coverage but I wonder how long it will last and how many people will pay attention in the months to come when disaster relief is just as important as it is now. The people of New Orleans know what I’m talking about.

Passport to Cambodia

Time Passages

My grandmother was born before DVDs, digital cameras, VCRs, cassettes, 8-track tapes, LPs. They had no cameras in their mobile phones. They had no mobile phones. Their phones were not even cordless or have buttons or a rotary dial. They had to pick up a separate receiver and tell the operator who they wanted to phone. They could listen to the radio but no FM. And they did not have transistor radios until much later. They had to go outside and get their entertainment at theatres and cinemas. Without Dolby THX or any kind of stereo sound, or colour film, or synchronized sound. The big A list star in my grandmother’s day was Charlie Chaplin.

Another Year Over and a New One Just Begun

2009 started with a bang. Literally. I was sent to Gaza in January to film things I’m not really supposed to talk about but probably can since it is no state secret, but I don’t really know who will read this so it is probably better if I don’t, even though I will not go to prison for it or even lose my job technically, but I can face more trouble than it is worth really since it is not that exciting. I didn’t want to go but I wanted to go. I constantly assured my family that I was nowhere near danger. I joked that the equipment was too valuable. It is funnier now than it was then.

This Is What It Sounds Like When Swine Fly

I was in China at the end of SARS. I boldly walked maskless while everybody around me was covered. I have walked the townships of South Africa at the height of HIV. I have been to more than a few places where malaria is carried by mosquitos the size of bowling balls. At least they seem that big sometimes. I was in Indonesia during a dengue fever outbreak. Only I did not know it at the time. None of it ever touched me.

It was a treif flu that finally got me. When the media was blowing it all out of proportion I thought they were blowing it all out of proportion. It was not until all the hype died down and people started to relax about it that it came for me. Would I have got it if people remained paranoid? Probably.

Passport to Israel

Why I’m Not a Snob

By the time I went to university I was a movie junkie. I felt empty if I did not see at least two or three movies a week. I never really cared about genres but at this point I preferred surreal comedies. While some of my friends and every nerd on the planet could quote Life of Brian I was quoting The Meaning of Life. I was proud of my imitation of the machine that goes ping.

I always defended Mel Brooks up until Men in Tights and was very familiar with all of Woody Allen’s “early funny” movies. I was just getting into the Coen brothers. Fargo was the first movie I saw in an American cinema.

Cooking Corner: Chunks of Heaven

Cook the lot for about 45 minutes. Put some in a dish, take a picture of it, write a blog.

Can You Spell Irony?

Some people in Israel’s government are upset by all this. The majority party is taking it personally even though Livni is leader of the opposition. We will bicker no end during an election but stand united when the pommies start a row.

So You Want to Be a Porn Star

The Cindy I knew was not the type of person you would expect to enter the porn business. She could have been voted most likely to become a librarian. But then again what are porn stars like when younger? They are not born with breast implants and bleached hair. I don’t know much about the lives of any of them but I do know at least one has a doctorate degree in math or chemistry or something you can’t just slide through. I am not willing to push them all into stereotypes. Cindy was certainly never vapid or shallow. She was as smart as anybody and would have easily graduated had she stayed in school. I don’t know if she ever went back. That is another thing for us to talk about when she visits.

Passport to Thailand

Talking Points

The robots on the commentary programme listed their usual diatribe without much thought for logic and reason and everybody enjoyed themselves for some reason. A life well spent I suppose. Later that day my friend-in-law decided to grace us all with his divine wisdom. He repeated what one of the robots said earlier almost verbatim.

It all made sense. My friend-in-law sounded like somebody who could write for one of those programmes because he got all of his material from just such people. Every diatribe where he enlightened the rest of us weaker minds probably came from some other self appointed expert. But at least they were being obnoxious for a reason. That is their job. My friend-in-law does it for free.  

How to Twitter, part XX

But I’m still not going to use Twitter.

How to Twitter, part XIX

… readership but that’s all I can do for you. I guess it can’t hurt.

Let me know if you want me to list your blog and I’ll give you some free advertising.

How to Twitter, part XVII

… several reasons. Now that I’ve seen blogs I liked disappear I’m not so sure. Other blogs have mine listed. It’s only fair to do the same. I’m not sure you’ll increase your …

How to Twitter, part XVII

… even if nobody was reading but I may never know.

I’ve been asked by a few people to list their blogs on my blog. I’ve said previously that I’d probably never do that for …

How to Twitter, part XVI

… reads my blog. So even without any followers or comments I know somebody’s reading whatever I type. I’d like to think I’d keep blogging as long as I had something to say …

How to Twitter, part XV

… of appreciation for whatever they’d read. Typing a happy face isn’t laziness. Lazy is not leaving any comment at all.

I’ve the luxury of knowing that most of my family …

How to Twitter, part XIV

… to the discussion at hand. I disagree. The person who typed LOL was giving you positive feedback. It wasn’t a thorough dissertation on the topic. It was a simple show …

How to Twitter, part XIII

… comments. He pointed out that one comment was simply “LOL”. His opinion was that you shouldn’t comment unless you have something substantial to add …

How to Twitter, part XII

… to think everybody agrees with me. People want validation. We all want a pat on the back here and there.

I was reading a blog where the author complained about short …

How to Twitter, part XI

… that happen. I think if you have a blog you should say whatever it is you have to say no matter how many people are reading it. But I’m not stupid enough …

How to Twitter, part X

… anything.

Then there are the blogs that stop because the authors think nobody’s interested. I’ve seen a few interesting blogs end due to lack of interest. I hate to see …

How to Twitter, part IX

… becoming a follower of his blog but I didn’t want to break the consistency. I want him to know that somebody’s reading it but at the same time I don’t want him to change …

How to Twitter, part VIII

… have any comments. But that hasn’t stopped the author. He obviously cares about what he’s writing about whether anybody’s reading it or not. I’ve thought about …

How to Twitter, part VII

… all those followers. But if they clicked your blog in the first place they must have been interested.

One of my favourite blogs has no followers and none of the posts …

How to Twitter, part VI

… blogs turn to trash once they acquired a higher number of followers. The author stops being creative and starts pandering. I guess it’s fear of losing…

How to Twitter, part V

It makes sense that if you have something to say you’d want somebody to read it. That’s where followers come in.

I think they can be good and bad. I’ve seen interesting …

How to Twitter, part IV

I’ve also been critical of the followers concept in blogs. Blogs are a good place if you have something to say. There’s no space restriction as far as I can tell.  

How to Twitter, part III

… to connect with people. If you have nothing to say then what’s the point? And if you have something to say then Twitter isn’t the best place.

How to Twitter, part II

… popularity contest without any winners. If there’s a prize I’d like to know what it is. I’ve nothing against networking but there’s usually a reason you’re trying…

How to Twitter, part I

I’ve mentioned before that I don’t like Twitter. One of the reasons is because it’s primary purpose seems to be collecting so-called friends. It’s like an online…

Passport to China Again

Mark Your Calendar

Today’s random thought: If Mayans were so good at predictions why did they not see the Spanish coming?

Giving Thanks

I have been to a few Thanksgiving dinners and it always reminds me of many of our festivals. Pray, eat, recover. And there is always more than enough food left for tomorrow. I especially like the pumpkin pie. That might be America’s greatest contribution to world cuisine. Pumpkin pie and chocolate chip cookies. They can invade everybody and pretend to be the world’s police as long as they keep making pumpkin pie.

Passport to Korea

Play Ball

Now we know who will be playing.

South Afrika
Ghana
Côte d'Ivoire
Nigeria
Cameroon
Algeria
Brazil
Paraguay
Chile
Argentina
Uruguay
Australia
Japan
South Korea
North Korea
New Zealand
Mexico
USA
Honduras
Netherlands
Spain
England
Italy
Germany
Denmark
Serbia
Switzerland
Slovakia
Greece
France
Slovenia
Portugal

Passport to Indonesia

Medium of Peace

I don’t think these people deserve the attention they are getting. They are not credible threats. Queen Elizabeth shall not be converting to Islam in the near future. German trains will remain as efficient as ever. If New York explodes it will be because of Wall Street, not wasat. The only reason they are getting any attention at all is because they are making all their noise in the West. Meaning the proper Christian countries. You never hear about tiny fringe groups threatening to bomb shops in Indonesia.


Mainstream Christian recruitment or fringe extremist group?

Be afraid. Be very afraid